Why Don T We Listen Better Summary

Dr. Petersen has called The Flat Brain Theory of Emotions. “It explains how our emotions, thinking and relating abilities work and how what goes inside us comes out in the ways we communicated and act.” (Petersen, 2007, p. 8) And without doubt that this is precisely the basis not only for a great communication, but is also related to a great listening.

James Petersen (2007) uses five parts to describe the talking and listening to help us process a better way of communicating and understanding each other. They are provided to help us connect in our relationships with others. According to Petersen, most of us think we listen well, but we don’t. Not

James C. Petersen sets out on a mission to aim, teach, improve listening, and talking skills. This improves relationships with others, both professionally and personally. Similar to other communication books he begins with a brief overview of communication and what to expect. The book is based on five section explores communication options. His book is based off of the Flat-Brain Theory of Emotions. Petersen (2007) he suggests that individuals become confused between the difference of a feeling and a thought and their relation. Different body parts and areas suggest various thoughts and feelings that affect each other. The Flat-Brain Theory, which purports a triadic formula of self that includes the stomach, heart, and head (Petersen 2007, p. 11). This leads to the Flat-Brain Syndrome which is detrimental to our communication with self and others.

In a country as racially diverse as the United States of America, it is certain that there is tension amongst those of different races. While most minorities have fought long and hard to earn acceptance and equality from others, Native Americans have not reached that level of unity yet. In fact, in “We Talk, You Listen ,” Vine Deloria Jr. argues that there is a movement toward minority inclusion, but it has come at an expense of dehumanizing racial groups like Native Americans. For instance, Deloria states that in war movies, Indians have only appeared under white men to send secret messages using a language that the enemy would not be able to understand, meaning that “it was the strangeness of Indians that made the visible, not their humanity”

Petersen, J. C. (2007). Why don't we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. Lincoln City, Oregon: Petersen Publications.

Communications Theory is a therapeutic modality that can be used as an intervention in family therapy settings. Developed by the well-respected family therapist, Virginia Satir, the concepts and techniques behind Communications Theory have earned much respect amongst therapists worldwide. Satir focused on the importance of establishing and maintaining clear channels of communication to improve the lives of families who struggle with myriad challenges. She believed that families needed to be given ways to see hope more clearly. She also professed that the presenting problems may not be as important as the way in which people cope with the problems. More clearly, her focus was more on helping people gain hope through better communications skills which lead to more effective coping mechanisms (…).

In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and

Though interpersonal communication can be the element to effective communications linking you and your loved one, it can also influence how you and your loved one interrelate with one another by not being a good listener and amplifier. Hello my name is and I will be giving you with a bit of guidance in turn to keep and preserve a well-built strong bond.

In conclusion effective communication with children, young people and adults is fundamental to developing relationships. It should be remembered that whilst it is important for me to communicate effectively with others it is equally important for me to listen to others to further develop the relationships I have.

Listening is a very complicated skill that many people do not posses. It requires individuals to reflect and to admit to their flaws. In order to communicate effectively it is important to know when to talk and listen. Peterson’s book is an excellent tool to enhance all types of relationships.

Nichol’s purpose for writing the book was to provide people with the listening skills needed to help improve their relationships. The author does this by first explaining the need to be heard and why it is important to listen. He then describes and gives concise advice on how to practice effective listening. He also provides instructions on how to deal with issues that impede listening, issues such as anger, fear, hurt, etc. Interspersed throughout the book, he gives numerous concrete examples from his own experience and from his clients. The book is divided into four sections.

While I was searching for a communication book, I came across the book Listening-Processes, Functions, and Competency written by Debra L. Worthington and Margaret E. Fitch-Hauser. The authors are both professors of communication at Auburn University. Worthington published many journals that focused on psychosocial factors, as where, Fitch-Hauser authored a book and a variety of book chapters and academic papers. Her focus was on listening fidelity, schemata information distortion in recall. What caught my eye about this book was it was tailored for college students. I always thought of communication as talking and really wanted to understand the listening part. As I skimmed through the book I came to chapter 6 which talked about Listening and Relationship building in families. I consider my family situation to be a little difficult at times because I have a son and girlfriend and we live with my parents. This extended family can be difficult at times so I chose to focus on this chapter because of that reason. Chapter 6 also discusses the importance of

“Are you listening to me?” Who has not heard that question in life? It is easy to hear the words coming out of someone’s mouth, but it is a whole other thing to listen to what they are actually saying. It is no wonder, James wrote in the Bible, “My dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” Listening before speaking is vitally important, especially within the realm of pastoral counseling. Because, as Carrie Doehring points out, caregivers listen in order to hear the care seeeker’s “deepest beliefs about transcendent realities.” However, people do not just come right out and say what their deepest beliefs are, instead they use stories, verbal language and body language to communicate.

A Prominent saying state – “Good Communication is the key to a healthy relationship or marriage”; whether it may be verbal or non-verbal. Many marriages end up in divorce, because of neglecting to communicate

Describe a listening and feedback strategy to improve your relationship with a friend or family member. People often think they are listening, but are really thinking about what they are going to say next when the other person stop talking. Truly effective communication goes both ways. I will listen to my spouse, don’t interrupt, don’t get defensive when he is talking and I am listening. Then I will understand him better and he will be more willing to listen to me. When someone comes at me with criticism, it’s easy to feel that they are wrong, and I get defensive, so it’s important to listen for the other person’s pain and respond empathy for their feelings when I give my feedback.