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What If Analysis

Decent Essays

First, I love speculative/science fiction; “What if…”
Your creative mind took this question and ran with it. I also remember that a dream inspired you to write this story and I find that aspect fascinating. The chapters you provided caused me to wish for more! I can see a series of books springing from your first one.

I am intrigued by the special powers being exhibited by the children and I also want to know how the powers occurred. I am curious as to how the plague began and what it did to the world’s population. Did we lose our ability to use and create technology? I imagine these questions will be fleshed out in other chapters and my curiosity is a healthy symptom of a reader that is interested in the story.

You maintained third …show more content…

I understand you wanted to start the chapter with tension, so when it opens, Raymond is mid-air. It is also possible to ramp up the tension by starting with a quick brother sister argument culminating in him being ‘pushed away’ and screaming for mom to help. The reader would still be intrigued by Gianna’s display of abilities and eager to learn more. If this isn’t a good suggestion for you, then maybe try cutting some of Gianna’s dialogue to make it more believable for a six year …show more content…

I’m a big fan of futuristic writing. Maybe incorporate a few futuristic slang terms in the dialogue to help the reader feel like they are in the future.

4. Not a lot of setting description. Perhaps this is in earlier/later chapters? As a reader I would respectfully ask for more descriptive passages either by judicious author summary, dialogue, or action.

5. Page 3: “Becky’s ears popped and Giana was gone; “What the?...” I didn’t immediately realize that Giana had teleported out. Maybe a little more description of how it looked to Mom, other than just ‘gone’.

You have a strong start to an ingenious story! The bones are there and the foundation is solid. I get the feeling that these chapters are just grazing the surface of an expansive storyline rich in detail as to why the world ‘is as it is’. Third person omniscient POV was used well and suits your story. The dialogue moved the story along and introduced tension, plot devices, and story arc. I really appreciate the opportunity to read and comment on your work. It was a

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