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Patient Loss Essay

Decent Essays

Throughout my time as a physician in England treating high risk populations, the amount of deaths I have faced vastly exceeds the amount of impact of lives I have treated. When a patient dies, their loss affects me more than I am able to admit. I feel that doctors are seen in society as people who do not express emotion, and are not allowed to show any sign of emotional weakness. The reality of physicians treating dying patients is that they think about the loss of an individual often, the reactions of their families and loved ones, and can even blame themselves for not doing enough in their treatment. However, no other death of a patient has stuck with me the most than my first encounter. Two years ago, I was reviewing my list of patients …show more content…

Even through all of my years in medical school, I still could not come to an understanding that medical professionals could not save all of their patients. Julia’s death haunted me, I couldn’t sleep thinking of all the ways I could have saved her and when I did sleep I had nightmares of her death. I began to feel depressed, and lost my confidence as a physician. No amount of schooling could have prepared me for dealing with the physical and emotional stress of my first patient dying, especially one I had frequently treated. If I had been treating a patient in my own home, I would have dropped to my knees and sobbed. Something about the location of a hospital numbs emotion, and I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be upset at Julia’s death. The other nurses enjoyed working with Julia as well, but I seemed to be the only one unable to deal with her death. The entire community turned upset, Julia was inspiring to both medical staff and the other refugees who knew her from their escape. The atmosphere was cold, like a warmth had been stripped away from it. I began to distance myself from my patients, and the other staff who had worked with her took note and saved me from going into depression. The other doctors and nurses knew how young as a physician I was, and the likeness I had formed with Julia. They gave me the best advice on how to deal with a patient dying; death is inevitable and medical professionals are grieve but also have other patients in need of

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