Self Forgiveness The Step Child Of Forgiveness Summary

As I was reading the chapter on forgiveness in Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling by McMinn (2011), the personal life experience that jumped out to me was when I had to make the decision to truly forgive my ex-boyfriend and his parents for the emotional pain they caused me. After living in New Jersey for a month and spending time with my boyfriend and his family, working, and taking care of an elderly lady with dementia my world came crashing down on me. My ex-boyfriend’s parents discovered sin in his life and told me I could no longer pursue a relationship with him because of the sins he had committed. After finding out the sinful things my ex-boyfriend had done, I chose to forgive him. I also chose to give him a second chance at a relationship with me, but my effort to salvage our relationship was futile.

“Forgiveness, assert Fincham and his colleagues, can help restore more benevolent and cooperative goals to relationships” Everett L. Worthington, Jr.(2004). New Science of Forgiveness.

As human beings we are often reluctant to let go of our anger and unwilling to forgive others. This becomes especially true in the case of loved ones or family members. The poem, “How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?,” written by Dick Lourie, addresses the different dilemmas associated with a child forgiving his/her father. In his six-stanza poem, the poet discusses how a child should forgive their father for traumatic events imposed on the child. This includes reasons for forgiveness, appropriate time to forgive, and whether or not to even forgive at all. Detailed through the different stanzas, the poem suggests that until one learns how to appropriately forgive another for wrongful behavior, they will never be able to let go of resentment and

It is also vital to look at Wilson’s view on the practice of forgiveness and how if an individual decides to ignore it, it can place a road block in their process of change. She believes that God speaks about forgiveness for the following reasons:” (1) we are all sinners with whom to relate so we’ll need to become skillful forgivers (2) God makes forgiveness a centerpiece of our healing process because living in un-forgiveness is so much worse (Wilson, 2001).

Sometimes things are better off forgotten so one does not get too caught up in hatred. When the time comes to forgive someone or even oneself, one might find it very hard. The word forgiveness may have different meanings to some people. For example, some people may refer forgiveness as a way to lose weight off their backs. In Into The Wild, Jon Krakauer highlights the importance of forgiving the mistakes one has made, and the actions people around us make. Life’s experiences are not always easy to forget, nevertheless to move on from those experiences

Thematic Statement: Forgiving someone for their mistake can make yourself free of anger and bitterness.

Life, as we all know is saturated with misfortune. Most of us are able to go through these and learn from and exempt ourselves. Yet, this isn’t always the case. People are faced with bone riveting experiences that often take a long time to get over, if they ever do get over it. These episodes brew in our brain popping up at the most random points often bringing our tone down. Although these experiences may scare us and fill us with ruefulness and penitence, we can’t continue to live in the past and let these regrets habituate us. Self forgiveness is a remedy to healing and to moving on in life, no matter how hard it is.

Forgive and forget - the motto that is ingrained in all of us from childhood, teaching us to be more compassionate and understanding, and ultimately developing us into better people, right? Perhaps not. While forgiveness is undoubtedly an important trait that enables people to overcome conflicts, where do we draw the line? There are no concrete or established rules on what the acceptable number of times to forgive someone or something is, so how can we define what is too much forgiveness? When does forgiveness go from a sign of your maturity, compassion, and strength, to a sign of your subservience and weakness? How can we be forgiving and thoughtful, without jeopardizing our own self-worth? These are all questions that arise in the memoir

Philosopher Paul Ricoeur posed the question, how “can one forgive someone who does not admit his guilt?”(Hatzfeld 195) Whether this admission of guilt is enough to be forgiven or not, the “sincere” taking of responsibility for one’s actions is an absolute minimum in striving for forgiveness. Ricoeur’s question becomes especially relevant when discussing the

In the last 15 years, Everett has thoroughly studied how forgiveness and justice collaborate. His interest in this topic peaked after his mother was murdered which at the time was very devastating for him, as can be to anyone. Over time, Everett forgave the person who murdered his mother. Everett fiercely believes the art of forgiveness was passed to them through their mother. Everett had a brother which committed suicide as a result of the agony he dealt with in his mother’s passing. After the commitment of his brother’s suicide, he felt great self-blame and has since studied self-forgiveness

Forgiveness has been defined in many ways by psychologists and researchers with no one universal definition. Hill (as cited in Maltby, Day and Mackaskill 2001) state that it is widely agreed that forgiveness involves a willingness to abandon resentment, negative judgement and indifferent behaviour towards the person who has hurt them Although research is recent, from the last 15 years, it has helped develop our understanding of forgiveness . Research has shown that forgiveness gives positive mental health and prevents the development of mental disorders such as anxiety, depression and stress. Two major models of forgiveness are Enright’s model and Worthington’s (2001) pyramid model to REACH forgiveness. Both these models involve steps and

The article "Self-forgiveness: The forgotten stepchild of forgiveness research" is a qualitative rather than a quantitative study of the phenomenon of self-forgiveness. The authors distinguish self-forgiveness versus forgiveness of an 'other' in an outwardly-directed fashion. They state that self-forgiveness has been under-studied in the existing literature. The beginning of the article is devoted to a literature review of existing writings upon the subject, with using a working definition of self forgiveness "as a set of motivational changes whereby one becomes decreasingly motivated to avoid stimuli associated with the offense, decreasingly motivated to retaliate against the self 地nd increasingly motivated to act benevolently toward the self" (Hall & Fincham 2005: 622).

This client was Christian and from my estimation now looking back was just beginning their walk with Christ and not on the same maturity level that I was at that time in my walk with Christ. At that time I knew how forgiveness first and foremost is obedience to God, and secondly how it can set you free from so many emotional problems, McMinn said, “Forgiveness, in its theological and spiritual context, is profound, life-giving, and transforming. When we remove the religious context and think of forgiveness only as a clinical technique, we risk losing the essence of forgiveness.” (2011, p. 254) After reading this chapter it made me re-live an area in which I was not fully equipped to help client maneuver their way through. This particular chapter has allowed me to see how vital forgiveness is in a therapeutic session, and how it must be used carefully. It is made me aware of how important my Christianity is to forgiveness, but also to assess the level my client is currently on before beginning a session on forgiveness. Reflection

When reading the titles and abstracts for the journal articles, my attention was drawn to the articles on forgiveness. I am divorced for more than 10 years. My first marriage was extremely painful for me near the end. I was never physically abused and until recently did not title what I experienced as emotional abuse. In retrospect, that is exactly what I had endured. I allowed myself to continue to be victimized until I found a Christian counselor who helped me focus on healing. I recently did my weeklong portion of my intensive for COUN 505 and it brought up some of the old emotions from the

Donahue, M. J. & Benson, P. L. (1995). “Religion and the Well-being of Adolescents” in