Growing Up With An Alcoholic Father

In “Under the Influence” by Scott Russell Sanders, an American novelist, the author explains the struggles he had to go through while dealing with his alcoholic father. Alcoholism has slowly transformed his father into a completely different person, and even a different creature at times. Every time his father would get drunk, Sanders and his family felt as if he was losing a piece of his dad. The family felt ashamed of the disease that had consumed their father and this developed where telling other people was impossible, making their father’s alcoholism a secret that the family kept hidden and closed away from the rest of the world. They felt the need to try and help their troubled family member. Sanders even states how he thinks that

A staggering 30% of U.S. adults have been or currently are alcoholics, and not all of them have abstained from parenthood. The essay “Under the Influence” by Russel Sanders tells the tale of a young boy who had an alcoholic father, who he could not understand why he was an alcoholic, except for the belief that he was possessed by demons. He didn’t live around any treatment centers that could help his father, for he lived in the backwoods of Ohio. He talked about the constant fear of his father beating him (which he never did), and the constant fear of his father leaving him (which he did for small increments of time). The trauma of having a father who was an alcoholic father stayed with Sanders well into adulthood.

Prominent essayist and novelist, Scott Russell Sanders, in his essay, “Under the Influence” (1989), describes how having an alcoholic parent shapes a person. Sanders’s purpose is to reflect on his bleak youth and its lasting effects on his adulthood. He adopts a resentful tone in order to convey to readers who have no experience of growing up with an alcoholic that alcohol abuse is destructive.

In the novel Salvage the Bones by Jesmyn Ward, the relationships between the main character, Esch, and the rest of her brothers demonstrate the idea that children with alcoholic parents have to depend on siblings for support and encouragement. When siblings grow up in an environment with an alcoholic parent, or parents, they tend to lean heavily on each other. Alcoholics tend to lack stability and accountability, which is something that is a must while raising children of all ages. Children with these parents find themselves looking and longing for things their caregivers simply cannot provide. Jesmyn Ward's written portrayal of Daddy is an alcoholic who lacks involvement with the upbringing of his children, especially after his wife dies.

According to substance abuse counselor Raychelle Lohmann, “Alcoholic parents are so intrinsically centered on their own needs they neglect their child’s needs. These children grow up without the comfort of trust”(Lohmann). The idea of alcoholism obliterating children’s trust is constantly shown in how the children respond to Rex’s one-sided question; “Have I ever let you down?” The question is first presented to Brian, his son, after Rex loses a job. Whether or not the question was sincere, Brian treats it as rhetorical and replies, “In a voice so low that Dad didn’t hear him… ‘Yes’”(78).

I came home one day to see both of my parents sad. As a third grader, I didn’t completely understand at the time, but my father had been laid off from the job he’d had since his teenage years. My father had started at the age of eighteen as a student worker at Southern Miss, and after years of hard work he had been promoted to the manager of shipping and receiving on campus. When the recession struck, the need to save money resulted in his position being terminated. My father was without a job. My father loved that job and when he lost it, he changed. He found a new love, alcohol. He let his love for alcohol become an addiction. He would do anything for alcohol; he even had secret stashes when my mom had removed all the prior alcohol from the house. Quickly my father became a violent drunk and began to routinely beat my mother and me. He became unstoppable; no person could get him back on track so my mother, in an attempt to keep me safe, removed him from the house. Even my mother’s best efforts weren’t always enough, as my father constantly broke into our house. One day my mother and I came home and my father was waiting in our den with a gun. We walked in, he pointed the gun at us, and then back at himself. He couldn’t decide to kill my mother, himself, or just all of us. He had more hatred in his eyes

Being an adult child of an alcoholic, I have described myself as a third generation depressed, suicidal alcoholic. That is not who I am today. It’s more a diagnosis, or a description of my lineage.

Everyone needs an “escape” from their reality at times. Alexie’s story about his family being alcoholics brought up strong emotions for me. He explains, “Like many kids in that situation, I learned to retreat into myself” (Alexie 42). Every family has their own struggles behind closed doors. For

For much of my childhood, my dad was drunk. For my brother and I, it became our normal. We learned to anticipate when our father would be the brilliant, selfless man he is, and we learned when we couldn’t count on him to be our father. One day, my brother told me he was never going to drink and demanded I promise the same. My brother was ten years old. I didn’t know what to tell him, but had I known it then, I would have said “What has made us who we are does not have to be what we become.”

I finally understood that my father’s drinking and smoking was a problem when he began driving me to school my freshman year. Every morning, he’d pull out a cigarette and puff insults in my face. He’d start off by telling

Inside my family structure, my mother’s parents struggled with addiction. My grandmother, Ellen Sweeney, who has since deceased, was addicted to opiates, and my grandfather, Wayne Smith, who has also passed away, was an alcoholic. My mom was one of five children, her siblings included, Margaret “Markie”, the eldest, , Catherine “Kerrie”, the second eldest, my mother, Marian, the middle child, Amy, the second youngest, and lastly, Matt, the youngest. Moreover, my mother and my aunt Margaret “Markie” Smith have also battled alcoholism and my aunt Amy has since been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Due to my mother’s family struggle with alcoholism, addiction, and mental disorder, my mother’s childhood was particularly difficult. Not only was she undoubtedly influenced by her parent’s substance abuse when she was a child, but it has continues to affect her as an adult raising her own children.

Without a steady source of income, the bills normally acquired by a family (mortgage or rent, groceries, utilities, and so forth) begin to accumulate, affecting the families financial situation further. In the book The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls gives multiple descriptions of how devastating alcoholism can be on a family financially. Jeannette’s father, who was an alcoholic, would often only hold a job for a few months at a time, and moved quite often to avoid bill collectors. “We were always doing the skedaddle, usually in the middle of the night” (Walls 19). At one point, he even resorted to stealing from his own daughter. “One evening in May, when we’d been saving our money for nine months, I came home with a couple of dollars I’d made babysitting and went into the bedroom to stash them in Oz (her piggy bank). The pig was not in the old sewing machine” (Walls 228). One can see this not only takes a financial toll, but an emotional one as well.

By the age of seven, I became used to the smell of tequila off my father’s breathe, which then usually coincided with his absence for the next few days. It was a regular for my father to be home one day, and gone for the next two weeks. I considered it beneficial when he was gone, as the house was less chaotic and it was easier to do my homework. I didn’t want my father around; his presence was dangerous. While on a bender, my father had stolen my entire college fund that I had been saving up so he could use it as drug money, brutally beat my mother, totaled his car, and accused me of stealing his car keys. I was about eight during the time of most of these occurrences. Eventually, I had considered his addiction an aspect of my childhood.

I have learned that alcohol addiction can stem from other issues in one’s life. I realize how alcohol addiction can exacerbate especially when dealing with other mental illnesses, trauma, having a history of family members with this disorder, and other life stressors. For example, Susan has been through a lot of trauma such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, and her miscarriages which explains why she often resorted to drinking. I realize that people often resort to alcohol as a way to get away from problems and decrease their emotional distress. Furthermore, I have recognized that one’s environment as well as familial issues can also greatly influence the addiction. Alcohol seemed to become a normal thing for Susan since the age of 10, and having parents struggle with the same addiction seemed to influence her drinking

While looking on the Internet for yet another social role study, I came upon an old friend that also happened to be online. I decided to discuss his situation rather than one of which does not effect me as personally as this. My friend was and I guess still is a victim of alcoholism. My friend Matt is now out of the house and on his own and his parents are now divorced. Matt and I grew up together, so many of his pains I felt as well. While he was growing up his father was quite a heavy drinker and at many times became violent as well as abusive towards Matt, his two younger siblings and his mother. I can remember at times Matt telling me how his father the night before would hit him. Matt would tell me "better it be me then my mother or