preview

Drowning Poem Figurative Language

Decent Essays

First Reader’s Comments: Specific Comments: S1, L1 - I wonder if “dark” is the right choice of word in this line. I get the image that you’re trying to establish - something foreign and deep - but the tone of dark is menacing, contrasting with the warmth of the “lush” rainforest and the description of the “newborn” in the following stanza. As a result, I would recommend replacing “dark” with a softer word that describes the sea, such as “intense” or “deep”. S1, L3-4 - I like how you maintain the consistent imagery of the rainforest with the description of “bright colors”-nice job! The phrasing of this second line is also really nice. S2, L4 - The shift to the static of the television (or other electronic device) seems a bit sudden in this …show more content…

Throughout the poem, I was really impressed by your use of visceral imagery. It was particularly striking in the second stanza through the use of personification (“the walls breathe like a newborn”). Your use of unique metaphors and figurative language added to the depth of the poem. The shift from the warmth of the “infant” to the “strange creatures” back to the “soothing rain” was a nice way to bring the poem together and to build it as well. The poem left me feeling warm and whole at the end. Great job! In terms of things to work on, I would recommend combing through the piece and remedying issues of clarification. For instance, at the beginning of the second stanza, the shift from the metaphoric “sea” (which I assume is in the narrator’s sleep) to the walls of their room is a bit sudden. I would recommend either starting the poem in the narrator’s room before transitioning into the first stanza or making it more clear in a transition into the second stanza. In addition, I suggest making sure that the imagery and ideas that you present are consistent. While all of the images are quite beautiful the way they are written, they seem at odds at each other, and lack a central idea to tie them together. For instance, the second and third stanzas seem to refer to the dangers of technology whereas the first and last stanzas refer to the soothing nature of sleep. I suggest bridging together these ideas in order to let your poem

Get Access