Theory Critique: Cloud and Townsend
Theory Critique: Cloud and Townsend
Sam and Diane have been married for a few years now and, everything was so perfect in the beginning. There was nothing but plenty of love and romance. Even still, Sam had become more and more demanding of his wife until at a certain point he began demanding robotic perfection of his spouse. It took a few years, but Diane became more and more fed up. She became more and more hypersensitive and hyper-vigilant to anything that Sam said to her so that now, even the slightest criticism would enrage her against Sam which would cause her to remain angered for 24 hours at a time. However, she could not help herself. Her nerves were at their end and did not know any
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Secondly, the authors explain what the book is not. Cloud and Townsend (1999) emphasize and recognize that their book in not meant to help a spouse grow up. “Boundaries in Marriage is not about fixing, changing, or punishing your mate,” (p.11). They are clear that the solution is about being in control of oneself and taking ownership in one’s life. In Diane’s case, by being able to be in control would allow her to take ownership of her life, protect her own feelings, and protect her spouse in a way that does not promote enabling.
Body of Boundaries in Marriage
Any ordinary and civilized couple may enter into holy matrimony with the great intentions, but as the marriage goes on, it can get more and more strange. By virtue of merely having ordinary human emotions and motivations, boundaries can be broken. Moreover, complications can occur based on a person’s past. As Wilson’s (2001) message and as the title Hurt People Hurt People implies, those who have been hurt are likely to hurt others. Thus, there is the connection of childhood trauma. Those who have been a part of the never-ending cycle of pain, hurt, and brokenness amongst generation after generation are likely to continue this cycle and are also the ones likely to violate boundaries of marriage.
Boundaries that break down in a marriage are a very good predictor of a marriage that will break down,
Marriage is oftentimes praised for all its good qualities, but people tend to avoid discussing the downsides of marriage in order to avoid discomfort. Confronting the problems that many couples face in marriage is hard, and most people find it easier to simply overlook any issues they may face to avoid furthering the problem. In “My Problem With Her Anger,” Eric Bartels elaborates on the struggles he and his wife face and what experiencing the effects of spousal anger feels like from a husband’s perspective. Through emotional appeal and anecdotes, Bartels semi-successfully argues that husbands are too often, and unfairly, on the receiving end of their wives’ anger and stress.
Marriage is a full-time job on its own and people should communicate with each other in order to have a healthy marriage for them to love and appreciate each other so they can grow old together. Most of us know by now that the fairy tale happily ever after stories are full of holes. Carver emphasizes that when there is no communication in the marriage the wife starts to feel unhappy and frustrated with him. The wife’s attitude with her husband suggests that the marriage doesn’t seem to be working for her. Carver states, “My wife finally took her eyes off the blind man and looked at me. I had the feeling she didn’t like what she saw. I shrugged (38). ” There was unhappiness in the marriage and the narrator and his wife didn’t seem to get along. In other words the
Television psychologists and pop culture self-help gurus tell us that marriage is hard work; marriage is compromise; marriage is a choice between being right, and being happy. All of these statements are true. What these experts don’t tell us, however, is that marriage is also about putting on blinders, or looking on the bright side, or one of a hundred other trite phrases to explain the art of self-deception. In marriage, there are times when we may find it necessary to look the other way from our spouse’s faults or indiscretions, in the interest of self-preservation. For if we examine these problems too closely, our darkest, most secret fears may come true. Therefore, it can seem easier to focus on the positive. In her poem “Surprise,” Jane Kenyon uses denial, selective perception, and fear of betrayal to illustrate the self-deception that can occur in marriage.
In her book Marriage a History Stephanie Coontz explains the male breadwinner family model and its dominance in family life during the 40’s, 50’s, and early 60’s. An illustration of the male breadwinner model is composed of a father, mother, and two children; typically a boy and girl close in age. Funded by their father’s well paying middle class salary, the wife and children live a comfortable life in suburbia and participate regularly in consumer trends. Perceived as the head of the household, the father was the sole financial provider. On the other hand the mother was the head of domestic life and was responsible for the children. The popular 1950’s TV show The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet exemplified this family model. With regard to the male breadwinner family model, imagine having eight other brothers and sisters. Imagine growing up without a mother, and with a father who worked constantly. Then consider living this life alongside your peers who come from the “normal” male breadwinner families Coontz describes… How would your family differ from your peers? What would be your thoughts and feelings towards family life? More importantly, how would these unique circumstances change your perception of the nuclear family?
Consistency within her faith was a large factor in her recovery as it provided Diane with the support and values she needed to successfully change her behavior and get off drugs while using the other systems to recover her children during that time. Diane emerges successfully, and willingly takes her family in as she looks to recover the lost time with her children. She continues to turn to religion and psychotherapy for support and comfort as she feels overwhelmed from the difficulties of reuniting with her family along with its demands. She is often distressed as she tries to manage and recognize that her children feel rejected to which she turns to her religion for help.
In reading the work by Cloud & Townsend (1999) I found no real weaknesses but only strengths on how to improve a person’s marriage. Boundaries in Marriage are not only for the couples that are experiencing current problems; but for the newlyweds, more seasoned couples, and for the ones who are not yet married. Regardless of the persons situation being able to learn what boundaries are and why they are needed is an important part of a healthy marriage. Cloud & Townsend (1999) describes the values that a person must have in order to have a healthier marriage, this is a strength because they require a person to form a relationship that is closer to God first. If we put God first in our lives in not only
In their book, Boundaries in Marriage, the authors, Cloud and Townsend, present a theoretical model for maintaining healthy relationships, specifically marriage relationships. This examination of Cloud and Townsend’s approach to maintaining healthy relationships summarizes both the theoretical and theological orientation of their proposed model, compares their approach to the model proposed by Sandra Wilson in her book, Hurt people hurt people, and considers the model in the context of Dr. Hawkins concentric circle theory of personality, and parents a critique with regard to some’ of the perceived strengths and
Marriage has been constantly changing over the past centuries. Currently, trends in marriage have adopted a new way of getting married through splitting responsibilities and work, resulting in social freedom for individuals. "The Myth of Co-Parenting,” by Hope Edelman demonstrates the difficulties of taking all the responsibilities while in “ My Problem with Her Anger,” explains the needs of having a better understanding of each other. Due to marriage changing over the last centuries, marriage couples desire individuals’ expectations and freedom to be met in marriage.
In the play Tartuffe, Molière portrays marriage in a unique way. He expresses a different perspective on marriage that most people would disagree with. In the play, marriage never seems to base around love but rather seems to be a very serious part of their life. Mariane submits to her father because during this time period the father was able to choose whom his daughter would marry. This submission is not based on love but rather who her father enjoys the best. It puts a great deal of pressure on the father to make the right decision. Marriage to Tartuffe would have caused Mariane a lifetime of discontent and it would have also associated the
The purpose of this paper is to examine the field of marriage and family counseling beginning with the history and development of the profession and its importance in the field of counseling. This paper will also evaluate five major themes relevant to Marriage and Family Therapy which include: roles of Marriage and Family Therapists; licensure requirements and examinations; methods of supervision; client advocacy; multiculturalism and diversity. The author will discuss significant aspects to the field of Marriage and Family Therapy such as MFT identity, function, and ethics of the profession. This paper will assess biblical values in relation to Marriage and Family Therapists and to the field
In over half a century, marriage has transformed from being a social requirement to simply being an option in today’s society. What has caused this change? Many institutions in our society have changed drastically along with marriage. Although these institutions have not caused marriage to be optional, they do strongly correlate with the decreased value. The economy, education, religion, and government have all altered since the 1950s. When any institution encounters a change, all other institutions are affected. Family is a major institution in society, and I believe that marriage is an important aspect of this institution. Cohabitation, religion, women in the work world and divorce have all effected the way marriage is viewed today.
When most people get married, they go into the marriage with the expectations and hopes that everything will go as planned, that they will always get along, and that the responsibilities will be evenly divided between both spouses. And for two working spouses who have children, they share the expectation that no one parent will be more of a caretaker than the other. Eric Bartels, a feature writer for the Portland Tribune in Portland, Oregon, feels as if he has personal experience as to what it is like to be on the receiving end of his wife’s irrational—or at least in his eyes—anger. Bartels informs his readers of the anger his wife projects
The simplest and most basic foundation of a sociological civilization or group begins at the core center of sociology; which is marriage and the inner-fabric creation of a family. It is said that matches are made in heaven, however finding and defining your “soul mate” differs from one social group to the next. The social institution of marriage changes and adapts consistently through time, religious practice, and national beliefs. Many people believe they lead happy and satisfying lives without a marital partner, as others highly value and desire a life-long marital partner as the pinnacle achievement of their life.
Much Ado About Nothing raises many important issues concerning the institution of marriage. Perhaps Shakespeare's purpose in writing this play was to question the existing approach to relationships and marriage. Shakespeare reveals the faults of the process through the characters of Hero and Claudio and also Hero's father, Leonato. Shakespeare also may be suggesting an alternative approach to marriage and relationships through the characters of Beatrice and Benedick.
Established with Adam and Eve, still surviving, marriage is the oldest institution known. Often the climax of most romantic movies and stories, whether it may be ‘Pride and Prejudice’ or ‘Dil Wale Dulhaniya Ley Jaein Gey’, marriage has a universal appeal. It continues to be the most intimate social network, providing the strongest and most frequent opportunity for social and emotional support. Though, over the years, marriage appears to be tarnished with high divorce rates, discontentment and infidelity, it is still a principal source of happiness in the lives of respective partners. Although marriage is perceived as a deeply flawed institution serving more the needs of the society than those of the individuals, nevertheless, marriage is