A Critique of Cloud and Townsend

She implores readers to avoid relationships that could only appear in a fairytale, which cast red flags that too often get ignored. She juxtaposes the stories of her first and failed marriage with the beginnings of her new and more successful marriage. Her specific examples depict the images of warning signs for failing marriages, but also the inevitable issues even successful marriages run into. With this final point, Patz stresses that no marriage will ever be perfect, but in the complex and ever-changing nature of modern marriage, each individual must be introspective and understand what makes a marriage truly

In reading the work by Cloud & Townsend (1999) I found no real weaknesses but only strengths on how to improve a person’s marriage. Boundaries in Marriage are not only for the couples that are experiencing current problems; but for the newlyweds, more seasoned couples, and for the ones who are not yet married. Regardless of the persons situation being able to learn what boundaries are and why they are needed is an important part of a healthy marriage. Cloud & Townsend (1999) describes the values that a person must have in order to have a healthier marriage, this is a strength because they require a person to form a relationship that is closer to God first. If we put God first in our lives in not only

God designed people to be in relationship with one another. “People just don’t have relationships; they are relational (Wilson, 2001, p. 77).” The Bible is full of stories about what Hawkins (2006) calls temporal systems, or relationships. Looking at client temporal systems is a vital part of client healing. These include friends, family members, communities, co-workers, and church members. Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend (1999) make it clear that it is personal reactions to events that cause relationship breakdown.

“Will Your Marriage Last?”, by Aviva Patz, is a cohesive article about marriage and divorce. Aviva Patz is the executive editor of Psychology Today. Patz narrates the story of Ted Huston, a professor at the University of Texas, who followed the lives of 168 couples for 13 years after their wedding date. She was then able to draw conclusions about what makes a couple stay together or end up filing divorce papers. Although marriages and divorce are the themes of this article, it is really about society’s pressure on young people to be perfect.

Marriage has been constantly changing over the past centuries. Currently, trends in marriage have adopted a new way of getting married through splitting responsibilities and work, resulting in social freedom for individuals. "The Myth of Co-Parenting,” by Hope Edelman demonstrates the difficulties of taking all the responsibilities while in “ My Problem with Her Anger,” explains the needs of having a better understanding of each other. Due to marriage changing over the last centuries, marriage couples desire individuals’ expectations and freedom to be met in marriage.

Any ordinary and civilized couple may enter into holy matrimony with the great intentions, but as the marriage goes on, it can get more and more strange. By virtue of merely having ordinary human emotions and motivations, boundaries can be broken. Moreover, complications can occur based on a person’s past. As Wilson’s (2001) message and as the title Hurt People Hurt People implies, those who have been hurt are likely to hurt others. Thus, there is the connection of childhood trauma. Those who have been a part of the never-ending cycle of pain, hurt, and brokenness amongst generation after generation are likely to continue this cycle and are also the ones likely to violate boundaries of marriage.

This paper will discuss developing beliefs and identity regarding marriage and family therapy. Over one’s life many beliefs are learned and become apart of who they are. These beliefs may be religious or just what they fell are right and wrong. These are the characteristics that will help or hinder them when it comes to being an effective counselor. Marriage and family therapist use psychotherapy to treat mental, emotional and interpersonal problems in the context of close relationships. Spiritual and or religious beliefs can also be incorporated into treatment. As a professional one must be aware not to impose personal beliefs into counseling.

Relationships: one of the most discussed topics in the world. If one isn’t asking for advice on it, they’re giving it. But in order to give good advice or adhere to advice given, one must first take a step back, look in the mirror and face themselves. In Mistakes Were Made (but not by me), the authors, Carol Tarvis and Elliot Aronson, examine how self-justification alters and shapes relationships, new and old, through the good times and bad times. Both authors are well known for the great work they have done in their field.

A PAPER SUBMITTED TO DR. JAMES D. GIBSON FULFILLMENT OF REQUIREMENTS FOR CO 5740 INTRODUCTION TO MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING

Finally, a healthy marriage included complementarity of spousal roles (Kostenberger & Jones, 2004). Complementarity is when two parities in a relationship have equal value, but play different roles, typically with one role submissive to a leadership role (Kostenberger & Jones, 200). Despite more modern philosophies about biblical headship and submission, marriage is by design complementary. A major controversial issue of complementarity in a marriage is the idea of headship, or the inherent role of leadership of the male. According to Wilson (2006), submission has a negative connotation in postmodern American culture, however, submission is to be thought of as a, “disposition, demeanor, or character trait, and not as though it is consisted simply of this action or that one” (p. 45). Wilson (2006) insisted that godly or biblical authority, as an aspect of headship, is distinct as it is authority used to encourage and inspire, not abuse or condescend–this being contrary to secular views of headship. Biblical, or godly, headship also includes sacrifice; the man is the head whether he or his wife embrace this true, and also whether or not they function, as this is a God’s ordained position for the husband (Wilson, 2006). The practical application of leadership and submission are roles followed, out of respect for God and love for one another. The husband’s role is to lead as the head of the family, while the wife’s role is to submit to her husband’s leadership (Baker,

Marriage and Family Therapy, particularly the family aspect, has a long history. Some of the family aspect was touched on by such leaders in the field as Freud and Rogers. The focuses for these two theorists however, were based on the impact, particularly the negatives, on the family and didn’t delve into the treatment of the family as whole. This base work however led to the questions asked by the early pioneers interested in treating the family as a whole unit. The question that really set things off was, “‘To what extent would we have to reject and/or accept prevailing theoretical concepts and techniques from individual theories to succeed (Chabot, 2011)?’”

The Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage compelled me to think about marriage at a different angle. It intrigued my views to learning more about these laws, which selfishness was definitely an action seen many times in my childhood after reading this. Furthermore, marriage has always been a term that as been misused throughout my childhood. “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” (Ephesians 5:25 NLT). Although this was quoted throughout my life, the similarities were not visible when marriage was displayed before me. The attraction to love everything more than your relationship can be a dangerous action, because it goes against the will of God concerning marriage. Moreover, the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage talked about this very thing, which teaches one to observe their own relationship with an unselfish heart.

Conversely, most people perceive marriage as a sanctuary, satisfying the needs of both partners involved. It is one of the most important institutions affecting people’s health and well-being. Firstly, a strong marriage has a dramatic effect on the partners’

People are relational and communicative human beings who, often, fail at being relational and communicative with other human beings, such as their life partners. Humans enter relationships for multitudes of reasons, but most are searching for someone to love and build a life with. However, people have different concepts of what a ‘life together’ constitutes. When people begin to build a relationship with a partner they bring a variety of expectations into the partnership. These expectations may apply to one, the other, or both members of the relationship and they may, or may not, be in accordance to the expectations that the other person has brought into the relationship. Expectations can complicate or simplify relationships; similarly, expectations can make or break relationships. My husband and I have been together for over seven years, but married a little over one year. My husband and I’s changing relational dynamic has been evaluated through both of us taking the Household Survey. The discussion that followed showed that we disagree about the division of household chores and aspects of our future family, but we have similar perspectives about our finances.

The bride to be, a forty-year-old graphic designer was about to be married for the first time, to a businessman. At her pastor 's suggestion, she and her fiancé filled out a questionnaire to measure the strengths and weaknesses of their relationship. 165 questions derived from John Gottman’s Four Horseman, on their personalities, backgrounds, values and aspirations. “How did you answer this question?” She asked him in the car afterward. And this? And this? Before the ride home ended, they had broken their engagement. This example of how powerful reflections is is a testament to John Gottman’s work. Whenever Mike McManus the founder of Marriage Savers, an organization that couples with churches to work with marriages, retells this story, audiences roar in approval. This is a success story, he says, and the kind of process we need more of. A process that will uncover any possibility of long-term incompatibility, and thus spare to be marriage partners the expense and pain of a seemingly indivertible divorce. Others, making war on the divorce rates in the United States, do not favor such a test, but they endorse teaching basic marriage skills to all engaged couples.