What If Marriage Is Bad For Us?

People believe that marriage is easy and is the key to love and happiness, but in reality marriage is harder than it looks. Everyone marries for different reasons, for good or for bad. People today don’t understand the meaning of marriage; it is more than just money and appearance. Seeing today’s world of marriage is being influenced by media shows like Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, and Murray makes you realize how society today identifies marriage different. Couples who live unmarried will be happier and have more choices than those that are married in agreement with Catherine Newman’s essay called I Do. Not.: Why I Won’t Marry in the book “Acting Out Culture: Reading and Writing “, by: James S. Miller. Catherine Newman is a writer and an author

Modern, contemporary society’s mindset on marriage has shifted considerably over the years. Some research has noted the increase in early sexual experiences, greater acceptance of cohabitation and the increase in narcissistic tendencies, are complicating and muddying the ideals of what marriage means to people today. Research done on this subject resulted in several studies that found that spouses who did not believe that marriage would last forever, were less likely to commit to the relationship financially and were more likely to have extramarital affairs.

“Marriage and Love”, a short essay by Emma Goldman, gives a wonderful argument regarding love and marriage, in fact, she nails it. Marriage does not equal love or has anything nothing to do with it. Not only that, but the marriage could also easily kill whatever relationship was there prior to the declaration. Marriage is simply a social construct, one that imposes control by religion, tradition, and social opinion (Goldman 304). However, if marriage is such the ball and chain that we all joke about, then why do people get married?

Marriage has changed dramatically over time in the many years it has been around. What do think Marriage was like 100 years ago? The article, “American Marriage in Transition”, describes how many different types of marriage there are and how people have changed their view on it. Andrew Cherlin (the sociologist of the article) does a great job going in depth explaining American marriage. He arranges the different marriages in three different categories; Institutionalized which was the earliest type of marriage, then Companionship around World War II, and currently we are considered Individualized.

In the article “What if Marriage is Bad for Us?” Laurie Essig and Lynn Owens summarize the things that

In over half a century, marriage has transformed from being a social requirement to simply being an option in today’s society. What has caused this change? Many institutions in our society have changed drastically along with marriage. Although these institutions have not caused marriage to be optional, they do strongly correlate with the decreased value. The economy, education, religion, and government have all altered since the 1950s. When any institution encounters a change, all other institutions are affected. Family is a major institution in society, and I believe that marriage is an important aspect of this institution. Cohabitation, religion, women in the work world and divorce have all effected the way marriage is viewed today.

Marriage has been a heated controversy for the past few years because people often marry for the wrong reasons. Anyone who thinks of an ideal marriage would think of two people loving each other and sharing a personal bond or goals together. Marriage is regularly defined as the legally or formally recognized union of two lovers as partners in a personal relationship. This definition remarks there is an actual connection between two people in marriage, but do people actually consider this when committing to “love” and “support” their partners forever? As research and studies have shown, people ultimately get married for many reasons, except love. This philosophy can be easily applied to the short poem, “Marriage” by Gregory Corso. In this emotional poem, the author argues marriage is more effectively understood or known for culture and convenience rather than through the abstract considerations of love. Here, we can identify people generally decide to marry for the incorrect reasons, for instance the story of the author himself. Corso finds himself confused multiple times, wondering if he should marry to not be lonely, for tradition and for his physical and mental health. He disregards love, a relationship or a connection with his future wife. General ways of convenience like loneliness, health and economic status between cultural stereotypes and religion are usually the true reasons of why people chose to have the commitment of marriage with another person.

A survey of 14000 adults states in ‘A Guide to Family Issues: The Marriage Advantage’ that marriage was a pertinent factor contributing to happiness and satisfaction with forty percent of the married individuals being happy as opposed to 25 percent of either single or cohabiting individuals. The same study shows that ninety eight percent of never married respondents wished to marry and out of those 88% believed that it should be a lifelong commitment. Even though, divorce rates are rising numerous researches show that young people aspire to have a lasting marriage.

Rejection against previous ways of living, or fight for modernity are often heard about when on the topic of marriage. Meghan Murphy author of “Marriage will never be a feminist choice,” and Ashton Blackwell author of “A rebellion against modernity” both go in depth about their views on marriage as a whole and the subliminal effects it has. These messages certainly play dividen in the area of marriage truly being worth it or not in the long-run. “Marriage will never be a feminine choice” demonstrates a newly carefree, modern day, spirited woman in today’s society whose main focus is to have fun, and avoid getting married at all costs. Murphy gravitates her ideology around the simple fact that everything you can do married you can do while single and committed. Inverse to that, “A rebellion against modernity” stretches the implication that only when married can you imply you’re truly loved and happy in every way. Blackwell also touches on weddings slowly becoming fragments of the long begotten past with the anticipation that we can bring them back in the cycle once again. Although disagreements in ideals are present, both authors are undoubtedly in line with one another when it comes to feminism.

The tradition of marriage is as old as time itself. To some it is the union of two into one heart and soul, for others it is a beneficial arrangement for both parties. People get married for many reasons and there are a lot of expectations from each individual involved in the contract. With time the cause for promising to spend lives together has gone from being practical to blindly following hallucinations. In the movies that we watched in class, the approaches many of the character take towards relationships were very unique to them.

In the recent decades, the marriage trends has been gradually transforming. The image people have about marriage nowadays might be completely different from that of before. People have become more invested in getting to fulfill emotional needs from marriage.

Marriage is unnecessary and it shouldn’t be held in such high esteem by society as it is. The idea that people’s relationships are considered not as meaningful and valued less if they are not married than those who are. Marriage is a social construct that restricts people and is not essential to a happy life like society thinks. People say it is a sign of love and devotion to your significant other but when cheating and abuse occurs in relationships that shows otherwise. When arranged marriages still exist it raises the question of how marriage can be used to control people. Marriage is many things, a way to control, a cage, a political statement, but it’s definitely not what everyone seems to believe.

There are many factors that play a role in the decision to wait a longer period of time before entering marriage. A recent study explains that “In particular, many Americans are waiting longer to get married due to opportunities for women to pursue careers outside the home, due to better control over the timing of childbearing, and due to the ability to be more selective when choosing a spouse” (Greenstone and Looney). This statement explains that there are those who wish for more opportunities within a married relationship. While this is not necessarily a bad idea, it is not an ideal solution to the ever-present problem in the marrying world. An aggrandized view of marriage/long-term relationships has caused many people to disregard the statement that no relationship is perfect, though many may portray perfection. With the knowledge that all marriage/long-term relationships have flaws, a solution must be found regarding the right time to marry.

Marriage is an institution that ages back to ancient societies. It offered a secure environment and legal benefits to facilitate the granting of property rights. Marriage is the legal or officialising process by which two people under go to be recognized publicly and by law .It is the joining of two people in a bond that relatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce .Marriage allows a couple to have a stable relationship that is recognized by the state and by whatever religious views the couple chooses to conform to , as well as providing a good environment in which to raise children. With continuous increasing amount of premarital cohabitation, single parent families and children born outside of wedlock, as well as divorce, it seems that the institution has lost its popularity. This essay argues that the institution of marriage has ceased to have relevance to modern society because it protects against harms itself creates, with that divorce rates have increased extremely above all it defies the modern idea of equality.

When it comes down to the question about marriage, family values come into question at one point or another, if not immediately. But in today’s society our values have changed from the standards that were set when the concept of marriage was founded. In traditional times it was expected that the man would court the woman for many years before settling down and asking for her hand in marriage. But, in the world today that process has changed severely. But in the midst of that process there’s a question that remains for the most part unanswered in general. Individual couples settle the matter for themselves but it leaves the whole of society in disarray searching for a universal truth to the problem.