The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.
Harrison Robertson (18561939)Kentucky Philosophy
“Y
I don’t want no foolin’—you hear me? Wut you say? Ain’t nu’h’n but rocks?
’Peahs ter me you’s owdashus perticler. S’posin’ dey’s uv a new kine.
I’ll des take a look at dem rocks. Hi yi! der you t’ink dat I’s bline?
It come fum de Jimmerson cawn-fiel’, dah on ter side er de road.
You stole it, you rascal—you stole it! I watched you fum down in de lot.
En time I gits th’ough wid you, nigger, you won’t eb’n be a grease spot!
En cut me de toughes’ en keenes’ you c’n fine anywhah on de place—
I’ll larn you, Mr. Wi’yum Joe Vetters, ter steal en ter lie, you young sinner,
Disgracin’ yo’ ole Christian mammy, en makin’ her leave cookin’ dinner!
En de holy accorjun angel he’s ’shamed er wut you has done;
En he’s tuk it down up yander in coal-black blood-red letters—
‘One watermillion staled by Wi’yum Josephus Vetters.’
’Ud say ef he knowed how you’s broke de good Lawd’s Gol’n Rule?
Boy, whah’s de raisin’ I give you? Is you boun’ fuh ter be a black villiun?
I’s s’prised dat a chile er yo’ mammy ’ud steal any man’s watermillion.
Fuh a boy who’ll steal watermillion—en dat in de day’s broad light—
Ain’t— Lawdy! it’s
Well, stealin’ a g-r-e-e-n watermillion! Who ever heered tell er des sich?
But when dey go ‘punk’—now you mine me—dey’s ripe, en dat’s des wut I mean.
En nex’ time you hook watermillions—you heered me, you ign’ant young hunk,
Ef you don’t want a lickin’ all over, be sho’ dat dey allers go ‘punk!’”