Thomas Humphry Ward, ed. The English Poets. 1880–1918.rnVol. V. Browning to Rupert Brooke
William Schwenck Gilbert (18361911)Ellen MJones Aberdeen (from the Bab Ballads)
M
Was the son of an elderly labouring man.
You’ve guessed him a Scotchman, shrewd reader, at sight,
And p’raps altogether, shrewd reader, you’re right.
Round by Dingwall and Wrath to the mouth of the Clyde,
There wasn’t a child or a woman or man
Who could pipe with C
With reed and with chaunter—with bag and with drones:
All day and all night he delighted the chiels
With sniggering pibrochs and jiggety reels.
And the neighbouring maidens would gather around
To list to his pipes and to gaze in his e’en,
Especially E
Who came to the Highlands to fish and to shoot;
He dressed himself up in a Highlander way,
Though his name it was P
To make him a Scotchman in every sense;
But this is a matter, you’ll readily own,
That isn’t a question of tailors alone.
He may purchase a sporran, a bonnet, and kilt;
Stick a skean in his hose—wear an acre of stripes—
But he cannot assume an affection for pipes.
Quite frenzied poor P
The girls were amused at his singular spleen,
Especially E
With pibrochs and reels you are driving me mad;
If you really must play on that cursed affair,
My goodness! play something resembling an air.”
The clan of Clonglocketty rose as one man;
For all were enraged at the insult, I ween—
Especially E
That the bagpipes can play him a regular tune.
Let’s see,” said M’C
“‘In My Cottage’ is easy—I’ll practise at that.”
For a year, seven months, and a fortnight, until
(You’ll hardly believe it) M’C
Elicited something resembling an air.
It wandered about into several keys;
It was jerky, spasmodic, and harsh, I’m aware,
But still it distinctly suggested an air.
He shrieked in his agony—bellowed and pranced;
And the maidens who gathered rejoiced at the scene,
Especially E
And fill a’ yer lugs wi’ the exquisite sound.
An air frae the bagpipes—beat that if ye can!
Hurrah for C
Respectable widows proposed for his hand,
And maidens came flocking to sit on the green—
Especially E
He’d stand it no longer—he drew his claymore,
And (this was, I think, in extremely bad taste),
Divided C
Oh! deep was the grief for that excellent man—
The maids stood aghast at the horrible scene,
Especially E
To find them “take on” in this serious way,
He pitied the poor little fluttering birds,
And solaced their souls with the following words:—
“Don’t snivel, my dears, for a fellow like that:
Observe, I’m a very superior man,
A much better fellow than A
And they all of them vowed, as they dried up their tears,
A pleasanter gentleman never was seen—
Especially E