T. R. Smith, comp. Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse. 1921–22.
The Baffled Knight
Anonymous(From Collection of Old Ballads, 1723) |
THERE was a Knight was drunk with Wine, | |
a riding along the way, Sir, | |
And there he did meet with a Lady fine, | |
and among the Cocks of Hay, Sir. | |
One Favour he did crave of her, | 5 |
and ask’d to lay her down, Sir, | |
But he had neither Cloth nor Sheet, | |
to keep her from the Ground, Sir. | |
There is a great Dew upon the Grass, | |
and if you should lay me down, Sir, | 10 |
You would spoil my gay clothing, | |
that has cost me many a Pound, Sir. | |
I have a Cloak of Scarlet red, | |
I’ll lay it under thee, Love, | |
So you will grant me my request, | 15 |
that I shall ask of you, Love. | |
And if you’ll go to my Father’s Hall, | |
that is moated all round about, Sir, | |
There you shall have your Will of me, | |
within, Sir, and without, Sir. | 20 |
Oh, yonder stands my Milk-white Steed, | |
and among the Cocks of Hay, Sir, | |
If the King’s Pinner should chance to come, | |
he’ll take my Steed away, Sir. | |
I have a Ring upon my Finger, | 25 |
it’s made of the finest Gold, Love, | |
And it shall serve to fetch your Steed, | |
out of the Pinner’s Fold, Love. | |
And if you’ll go to my Father’s House, | |
round which there’s many a Tree, Sir, | 30 |
There you shall have your Chamber free, | |
and your Chamberlain I’ll be, Sir. | |
He sat her on a Milk-white Steed, | |
himself upon another; | |
And then they rid along the way, | 35 |
like Sister and like Brother. | |
But when she came to her Father’s House, | |
which was moated all round about, Sir, | |
She slipped herself within the Gate, | |
and she locked the Knight without, Sir. | 40 |
I thank you, kind Knight, for seeing me here, | |
and bringing me home a Maiden, Sir, | |
But you shall have two of my Father’s Men, | |
for to get you as far back again, Sir. | |
He drew his Sword out of his Scabbard, | 45 |
and whet it upon his Sleeve, Sir, | |
Saying, Cursed be to ev’ry Man, | |
that will a Maid believe, Sir. | |
She drew her Handkerchief out of her Pocket, | |
and threw it upon the Ground, Sir, | 50 |
Saying, thrice cursed be to ev’ry Maid, | |
that will believe a Man, Sir. | |
We have a Tree in our Garden, | |
some call it of Rosemary, Sir; | |
There’s Crowing-cocks in our Town, | 55 |
that will make a Capon of you, Sir. | |
We have a Flower in our Garden, | |
some call it a Marygold, Sir; | |
And he that would not when he might, | |
he shall not when he would, Sir. | 60 |
But if you chance for to meet a Maid, | |
a little below the Town, Sir, | |
You must not fear her gay clothing, | |
nor the wrinkling of her Gown, Sir. | |
And if you chance for to meet a Maid, | 65 |
a little below the Hill, Sir, | |
You need not fear her shrieking out, | |
for she quickly will lie still, Sir. | |
The baffled Knight was by the Lass | |
ingeniously out-witted; | 70 |
And since that time, it came to pass, | |
he was again well fitted: | |
As he was riding cross a Plain, | |
in Boots, Spurs, Hat and Feather, | |
He met that Lady fair again, | 75 |
they talk’d a while together. | |
He said, tho’ you did serve me so, | |
and cunningly decoy me; | |
Yet now, before you further go, | |
I must and will enjoy thee. | 80 |
’Twas near a spacious River’s side, | |
where Rushes green were growing, | |
And Neptune’s silver Streams did glide, | |
four Fathom Waters flowing. | |
The Lady blush’d like Scarlet-red, | 85 |
and trembled at this Stranger; | |
How shall I guard my Maiden-head | |
from this approaching danger? | |
With a lamenting sigh, said she, | |
to die I now am ready: | 90 |
Must this dishonour fall on me? | |
a most unhappy Lady! | |
He from his Saddle did a-light | |
in gaudy rich attire; | |
And cried, I am a Noble Knight, | 95 |
who do your Charms admire. | |
He took the Lady by the Hand, | |
who seemingly consented; | |
And would no more disputing stand, | |
she had a Plot invented. | 100 |
How she might baffle him again, | |
with much Delight and Pleasure; | |
And eke unspotted still remain | |
with her pure Virgin Treasure. | |
Look yonder, good Sir Knight, I pray, | 105 |
methinks I do discover, | |
Well mounted on a Dapple-grey, | |
my true entire Lover. | |
The Knight, he standing on the brink | |
of the deep floating River; | 110 |
Thought she, thou now shalt swim or sink, | |
choose which thou fancy rather. | |
Against his back the Lady run, | |
the Waters straight he sounded: | |
He cried out, Love! What have you done! | 115 |
help! help, or I am drowned! | |
Said she, Sir Knight, farewell, adieu, | |
you see what comes of fooling: | |
That is the fittest place for you, | |
whose Courage wanted cooling. | 120 |
Love, help me out, and I’ll forgive | |
this Fault which you’ve committed: | |
No, no, says she, Sir, as I live, | |
I think you’re finely fitted. | |
She rid home to her Father’s House | 125 |
for speedy expedition; | |
While the gay Knight was soaked like Souce, | |
in a sad wet condition. | |
When he came mounted to the Plain, | |
he was in rich attire: | 130 |
Yet when he back returned again, | |
he was all Muck and Mire. | |
A solemn Vow he there did make, | |
just as he came from swimming, | |
He’d love no Lady, for her sake, | 135 |
nor any other Women. | |
The Baffled Knight was fooled once more, | |
you’ll find by this pleasant ditty, | |
For she whose Charms he did adore | |
was wonderful sharp and witty. | 140 |
Returning from her Father’s Park, | |
just close by a Summer Bower, | |
She chanced to meet her angry Spark | |
Who gave her a frowning lower. | |
The thoughts of what she twice had done, | 145 |
did cause him to draw his Rapier, | |
And at the Lady then he run, | |
and thus he began to vapour: | |
You chous’d me at your Father’s Gate, | |
then tumbled me into the River, | 150 |
I seek for satisfaction, straight; | |
Shall I be a Fool for ever? | |
He came with Resolution bent | |
that Evening to enjoy her; | |
And if she did not give consent, | 155 |
that Minute he would destroy her. | |
I pray Sir Knight, and why so hot | |
against a young silly Woman? | |
Such Crimes as these might be forgot, | |
for merry intrigues are common. | 160 |
What! do you count it Mirth, he cried, | |
to tumble me in and leave me? | |
What if I drowned there had died? | |
a dangerous Jest, believe me. | |
Well, if I pardon you this Day | 165 |
those Injuries out of measure, | |
It is because without delay | |
I mean to enjoy the Pleasure. | |
Your suit, she said, is not denied, | |
but think of your Boots of Leather; | 170 |
And let me pull them off, she cried, | |
before we lie down together. | |
He set him down upon the Grass, | |
and Violets so sweet and tender; | |
Now by this means it came to pass, | 175 |
that she did his purpose hinder. | |
For having pulled his Boots half way, | |
she cried, I am now your betters; | |
You shall not make of me your Prey, | |
sit there like a Thief in Fetters. | 180 |
Now finding she had served him so, | |
he rose and began to grumble; | |
Yet he could neither stand nor go, | |
but did like a Cripple tumble. | |
The Boots stuck fast, and would not stir, | 185 |
his folly she soon did mention, | |
And laughing said, I pray kind Sir, | |
How like you my new Invention! | |
My laughing Fit you must excuse, | |
you are but a stingless Nettle; | 190 |
You’d ne’er a stood for Boots or Shoes, | |
had you been a Man of Mettle. | |
Farewell, Sir Knight, ’tis almost Ten, | |
I fear neither Wind nor Weather: | |
I’ll send my Father’s Serving-Men, | 195 |
to pull off your Boots of Leather. | |
She laughed out-right, as well she might, | |
with merry conceits of Scorning, | |
And left him there to sit all Night, | |
until the approaching Morning. | 200 |
The fourth Part of the baffled Knight, | |
the Lady hath fairly acted, | |
She did his Love and Kindness slight, | |
which made him almost distracted. | |
She left him in her Father’s Park, | 205 |
where nothing but Deer could hear him; | |
While he lay rouling in the dark, | |
there’s never a Soul came near him; | |
Until the Morning break of Day, | |
and being warm Summer-weather, | 210 |
A Shepherd chanced to come that way, | |
who pulled on his Boots of Leather. | |
Then mounting on his Milk-white Steed, | |
he shaking his Ears was ready, | |
And whip and spur he rid with speed | 215 |
to find out this crafty Lady. | |
If once this Lady I come nigh | |
she shall be released by no Man; | |
Why should so brave a Knight as I, | |
be fooled by a silly Woman? | 220 |
Three times she has affronted me, | |
in Crimes which I cannot Pardon; | |
But if I an’t reveng’d, said he, | |
let me not be worth a farthing. | |
I value not her Beauty fair, | 225 |
tho’ once I did dote upon her; | |
This trusty Sword shall now repair | |
My baffled, blasted Honour. | |
Unto her Father’s House he came, | |
which every side was moated; | 230 |
The fair sweet youthful charming Dame, | |
his angry brows she noted. | |
Thought she, I’ll have the other bout, | |
and tumble him in the River, | |
And let the Devil help him out, | 235 |
or there he shall soak for ever. | |
He will not let me live at rest, | |
although I have often foiled him; | |
Therefore, once more I do protest, | |
with flattering I’ll beguile him; | 240 |
The Bridge was drawn, the Gates locked fast, | |
so that he could no ways enter; | |
She smiled to him, and cried at last, | |
Sir Knight, if you please to venture, | |
A Plank lies over the Moat hard by, | 245 |
full Seventeen Foot in Measure, | |
There’s no body now at home but I, | |
therefore we’ll take our pleasure. | |
This Word she had no sooner spoke, | |
but straight he was tripping over; | 250 |
The Plank was sawed, and snapping broke; | |
he prov’d an unhappy Lover. | |