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Waking Up With: A Psychological Analysis

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My mother always wanted a little girl, who she could play dress up with, do makeup with, and mold. I crushed that dream. That very image almost crushed me. As a small child I wanted more than anything to be the person she wanted, the child she wanted; but I always fell short. Even when I altered my appearance it was not suited to her image, I restricted how I ate because of her fear that I was fat, relaxed my hair, wore the latest brands, and hung out with the people she wanted me to. I learned that the hard way, when I over heard her crying to my father about how, she wished she had her own kids instead of us. It was one of the complications of being adopted by a white traditional mother. While being a black, non-binary, and aromantic child. …show more content…

With anxiety came a lot of insecurity, negative thinking, and fear. with depression came a lot of internal hate and disappointment. It got to the point where the thought of waking up another day was daunting and in all honesty really hard.I did not understand why I showed up if all i was going to experience was pain. I began to push away anyone who somewhat cared about me, and retreated into my shell. But this set the stage for my comeback, after this experience i was reccomended by my psychologist to do cognitive behavioral therapy. I worked on the biological, physiological, and emotional underpinnings of my anxiety and depression. Outside of therapy, I found workbooks, attended seminars, and bought books to empower myself. Furthermore, i began to apply for jobs,

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