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Reflection Paper On The Other Side Of Grief

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I am placing myself in extremis, death looming over me, hopefully, surrounded by the ones I love most. For most people, preparing for their departure from life means considering the burden it puts on family and friends. It is not necessarily the responsibility of a dying person to coach their loved ones through their grief while digesting their own demise, but if they truly love someone, they won't be able to stop thinking about the effects their death will have. What conversations do I need to have as my last ones with the people I love? In the excerpts the class read of “The Other Side of Sadness” by George Bonanno, he emphasizes the oversimplification of grief in Western cultures and the underestimation of human resilience. The dying person doesn’t have complete command over their loved ones' grief processes, but there are steps one can take to try to assure it is as manageable as possible. As my time with my loved ones dwindles, I would do my best to have candid conversations about what their grief may look like while still enjoying the precious moments left. I would put my grief first, leave tangible words behind, ensure the actual moment of my death is peaceful and attempt to relieve any guilt or doubts they may be harboring about their grief. Through all of these steps, I could depart with more security and confidence in my loved one’s resiliency and prevent the overwhelming grief Bonanno writes of. The most important thing I could do for my family as I prepare to say goodbye is to process my feelings and grief in the healthiest way possible. Preventing outbursts, being present, and owning my mortality benefit myself and my loved ones. I would also encourage questions and be open about the fears I have about letting go of life. When family members have some security that their dying loved one is processing their emotions around no longer being alive, it relieves some small portion of the anguish experienced by loved ones. Bonnano writes that “Many bereaved people actually experience a strong, perceptible connection with deceased loved ones…” (Bonnano 9). This experience is due to the loss of a real connection with the deceased loved one, the visceral, the immediate. When my father died, he

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