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Personal Narrative: The Biology Behind Depression

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Some people may look at me and think I'm the happiest person in the world. I have a family, I have friends, and I live a lifestyle most would love to have. I’m a senior in college; with less than a few weeks from graduating with my bachelors in applied engineering and technology, and I have huge plans for my future. I’m graduating in four years, which is something that seems hard to do in today’s society. I can admit that these have been the hardest four years of my life, but not because I have a problem with struggling in academics. My struggles stem from my mental illnesses of anxiety and depression.

I look back at my life and think, wow; I had it really good most of the time. But I don’t remember the last time I was actually happy. Sure, …show more content…

I sabotage situations because subconsciously I prefer the certainty of a negative outcome over a high degree of uncertainty that comes with a positive outcome. This keeps me from doing almost anything and everything. My anxiety is constantly through the roof. The more I live like this, the more I realize how badly depression is affecting my life. I understand the biology behind depression, what it takes to get over it, what it takes to cope with it, but I still can’t get myself motivated to get out of it. It’s like I’m purposely letting myself be depressed. The only thing I can think of why I’m doing this is because its the most alive I’ve felt my whole life. I’ve never felt this much emotion before for an extended period of time. I think I’m addicted to it. I’ve started to identify myself with it. I love it because it makes me feel alive, but I fucking hate …show more content…

It’s so much more than just one day deciding to end it. It goes deeper than that, way deeper. It’s years of torment and agony within your own head, even on your best days. It usually doesn’t happen just randomly, it’s more of a build up. It’s not something that turns off and on, it comes in waves, it peaks and it fades. But these feelings never actually disappear; they quietly sit in the back of your mind and attack when you’re most vulnerable. I don’t want to die; my sub-conscious and my illnesses may disagree, but I know I’m stronger than

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