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Paysomaniac Captain: A Short Story

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they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, obviously, and possibly risked contracting a dipsomaniac captain who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icy masses, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the ocean life in the North Atlantic. I figure fuck it, while I'm busy why not simply shoot my mate, accept his position, offer it to his sworn adversary, climb up gas costs, bomb a town, club a child seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be chosen president. So now my pal's out of work and he can't bear to drive, so he must stroll to the fuckin' prospective employee meetings, which sucks cause the shrapnel in his rear end is givin' him constant hemorrhoids. Also,

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