My Love Gottman Summary

Gottman couples therapy is an integrative approach that focuses on emotion, behavior, cognitive, and narrative approaches with in a systemic framework (Gottman & Gottman, 2013). This therapy is based on extensive research about how stable relationships work and how unstable relationships fail. The goal of Gottman therapy is to help couple process their inevitable fights, moments of miscommunication, or hurt feelings and to enable them to repair the relationship (Gottman & Gottman, 2013). Moreover, the goal is to “heal the wounds crated by regrettable incidents” (Gottman & Gottman, 2013, p. 95).

And how can we, exactly? Well now, Gladwell walks us through how Gottman determines the success or failure of a couple. First, he talks about the complex and intricate coding system that Gottman created, the SPAFF, that has twenty separate categories, which correspond to every emotion a married couple could possibly make during a conversation (21). Gottman uses the SPAFF codes to assign an emotion to every second of the couple’s interaction. So, when a 15 minute conversation is broken down in this way, it could end up looking like this: angry for 6 seconds, defensive for 10 seconds, whining for 5 seconds, and so on. Gottman discovered that typically, the couples who stayed together had more positive emotions compared to negative emotions during these 15 minute conversations. The couples that ended up divorced had a higher ratio of negative emotions to positive ones instead (26). When Gottman sat down, watched 15 minutes worth of married couple’s conversations, and then analyzed them using the methods Gladwell described to us, he was 90% accurate at determining which couples would

I also chose the article “Passionate Marriage” By David Schnarch. Because of the couple’s disconnection, they each took the other’s criticism so personally. They blamed one another for their lack of intimacy, when, in fact, both were at fault. They each lacked the knowledge of their partner’s true self and the maturity to be open to the other’s needs and wants. Once they began to work with the therapist, they were able to discover their true selves and understand their behaviors towards one another. You were correct in saying that once they were able to build on their emotional connections with one another, their intimacy was no longer an issue.

The one sentence which stuck out immensely in the book was, “I can predict whether a couple will divorce after watching and listening to them for just fifteen minutes.” I just couldn’t accept it was possible. How could one know the fate of a relationship in just fifteen minutes? This one sentence made me contemplate becoming a marriage counselor. This book could diminish the stereotypes and show others what an incredible career path marriage counseling could be. I would love to help people figure out who they are as a couple. I believe once individuals pursue a relationship, especially marriage, you aren’t necessarily an individual anymore. I realize you are still your own person, but how you conduct yourself is heavily based on your partner.

Over seven billion people living on earth we are all diverse in our characteristics. We live in societies made up with laws and don’t have the freedom to exploit another person right. People who disobey laws and misuses another person rights are known as morally sick and selfish. They never bear the shame of their actions and always fails to understand others. While laws only ensure peace in a society, families that makes a society needs better understanding between a husband and a wife. Now with divorce rate that is growing higher by each year, Sociologists and psychologists are pointing many aspects and actions of couple that must be taken into consideration before we expect a happy life. Among them “Mark Karpel”, “Abraham Maslow” and

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

Intimacy in marriage is important in its effect on the psychological and emotional closeness of the individuals in the relationship and the health of the relationship itself. The intimacy that develops in a marriage is one that is built over time as couples develop trust between each other. Intimacy does not necessarily always include the physical part of being close to each other and sharing in a sexual context. It encompasses sharing on a deep level in openness, trust, and pure relationship. Marriage itself does not define a pure relationship, but pure relationship can be defined within the bounds of traditional marriage. A pure relationship is one in which each partner has entered into the relationship believing that the relationship is sustainable from what they assume can be derived from each other’s individual contributions (Connidis, 2010, p. 53). It is from these foundations of trust that allows a couple to rely upon each other through life’s circumstances and a deep, lasting attachment and emotional support for each

My grandparents were married for almost 40 years. For them it was “‘till death do us part.” They raised a family of twelve children, who produced 36 grandchildren, who then produced 10 great grandchildren, and so on. Like many married couples, my grandparents didn’t always see eye to eye on things. As a matter of fact, as the years went by, the arguments then became discussions. For them it wasn’t about having the perfect relationship because a perfect relationship doesn’t exist. No one person was made alike. So how can you love someone like yourself if there is no such thing? That’s the riddle to marriage. My grandparents believed that communication was the key for a successful relationship, or a successful marriage. But, as with the bad, there was good. Plenty of good. Through their years of marriage, they found a way to paddle through their storms and find sunshine. After all, he

Nearly all couples consider marriage as living happily ever after, on the contrary, seldom do we encounter the experience of happily ever after in marriages in this day and time. Countless families are confronted with grueling problems that swarm into the family system that make it difficult to move forward and experience a happy marriage. Despite the fact numerous challenges can often be resolved within the family unit, there are various other troubles that can be harsh to tackle.

Marriage is one of the most essential factors of human life. It creates the basis for everyone to pursue a better, healthier, and happier life. However, it is the fact that there are more and more couples marrying and then ending up with divorce, and this rate is increasing faster year by year. Actually, all the divorce cases are originated from some of the forms of emotional illness that gradually appear in each partner during the time of their relationship. It is good to cure these forms of emotional illness to solve the martial problems of the specific patients. However; it is absolutely the best when the original

Unsatisfied with their partners results in divorce rates and infidelity. These have increased over the years, blemishing the institution of marriage. People may believe that compromises and self sacrifice in a marriage make it a failed institute but the same reasons make a marriage successful. A married man has a constant in his life- his partner. The security and companionship in the relationship helps him achieve happiness. The same sharing is now a pleasure, a way to prevent loneliness (Argyle; 1999). Marriage is known to cause greater satisfaction, greater self esteem and less distress. Evidence shows that married men and women are happier.

Marriage is not something rarely seen nowadays. Populates who have a decent relationship, estimated to continue their relationship to a marriage. However, in the time marriage rate increasing, the increment of divorce rate cannot be avoided. More than a half of all marriages will end with divorcement. (Echols, 2010). Divorce occurs likely because of platonic relationship and poor communication. This essay will examine those problems which cause divorce, and offer three reasonable solutions to prevent divorcement in the community. Also, try to evaluate the effectiveness of the solutions.

The act of living together in a common place during a relationship can also cause the illusion of marriage, decreasing the importance of the constitution of marriage itself. This can cause psychological repercussions to both male and female (Bradbury 1987). The endearing part of the woman longs for marriage whereas the man sees this as the next best thing to marriage without the commitment to their mate. But contrary to the belief of both partners, this can only cause conflict between them. “First, a spouse locates the cause of a problem in the partner; second, he/she decides that the other partner is responsible; and finally he/she assign blame to his/her partner.”(Bradbury 1987) So when newly married couples have participated in the cohabitation phase, many believe that their lives are closing in on them after the marriage license is

Rather than giving up and ending the marriage, many couples could save the marriage by trying to work through the problems that arise. Many people do not realize how much hard work has to be put into a marriage for it to be successful. When planning a wedding, some couples spend a lot of time preparing the vows that will be exchanged during the ceremony, but sadly the partners fail to live by the vows day after day. Scores of married couples drift apart because their hectic lives do not allow them to spend enough quality time together, which is important for a healthy marriage. Communication is also an essential factor in working through problems in a marriage.

The five general perspectives on human behavior used are the biological perspective, the learned perspective, the social and cultural perspective, the cognitive perspective and the psychodynamic perspective. These five perspectives can help us to understand just how a relationship can begin when two people meet. How their relationship might develop, and how the relationship will be maintained. All of the perspectives play a part in how we begin a relationship and how the relationship will be maintained over time. Throughout the course of this paper we will compare and contrast how these perspectives impact our behavior in a loving relationship. I will use my own marriage with my wife to show how each of the perspectives contributed to the beginning of our relationship, the maintenance of our relationship and how the differences have had a negative impact on our relationship.