Relationships are hard and can be very painful sometimes. But, why? Are we just unlucky when it comes to making relationships? Or is the second party of the relationship at fault? Dr. Gary Smalley remarkably explains key concepts that could solve many relationship issues in his book The DNA of Relationships. The first thing this book made me aware of was the fear dance. The fear dance is when someone triggers your fears resulting in you reacting negatively which triggers his or her fears and turns into an ongoing cycle. This stood out to me because there is so much truth in this theory. I think back to broke relationships and that was the problem. We constantly made the other hurt by our reactions to our fear button being pushed. This applies …show more content…
This is one of the most personal wants for me. I desire deep and meaningful relationships with others. I want to know everything I can to understand what makes them tick, desire, and vulnerable. I yearn for emotionally intimate conversations with others. Typically when I first meet a potential friend, I ask deep questions right off the bat. This usually scares people because small talk is what is normal when you first met people. But, I personally find small talk boring and tedious. With every want is a fear. The fear that pairs with companionship is loneliness. Being an introvert, I am alone quite often. No one really pushes my fear button; I do. When I have been alone a lot, I ask others to do something with me, like lunch, coffee, etc. When my friends are busy, I feel as though no one wants to hang out with me which triggers my fear button. When my fear button is pushed I turn into a hermit. I tend to stay in my room and minimize speaking with others. Which makes me feel even lonelier. This triggers my fear dance with myself. When this fear button of loneliness gets pushed I react by withdrawing from any and most other …show more content…
I want to feel secure in all aspects of my life. In relationships especially, I long for people in my life that will create an atmosphere with little tension. With the want of safety comes the fear of danger. Tension, I know, can be good but I flee from different types of tensions. In my eyes, danger is not just physical but can also be emotional. When I seek people to be my friend, I tend to sway closer to those who are caring and compassionate. I also find myself staying clear of anyone who shows signs of hurting my emotional stature. When my danger fear button is pushed I go into exaggeration mode. I enlarge the situation majorly. Like if a my friend’s boyfriend was being flirtatious with another girl and I felt that he was going to damage my friend’s emotional state, I would go to her and be honest but be very overly upset about the situation. My third want is success. I strive to perfection in everything I do. Perfection is inevitably impossible, but I still try to be perfect. This philosophy is a vicious cycle of failure in my eyes. I chose this want only because of the fear, which is failure. When given a task of high or low priority, I aim to do the absolute best I can. This may sound not like a problem until I reveal what happens when I do not live up to my own high expectations for myself. When I do not succeed, I emotionally break. I cry and I question everything about
The book contains a series of breakdowns of thoughts, outlooks, and emotional schemes. There are numerous exercises that help one to come to terms with issues relating to the various chapters the book contains. Some are more specific than others and require serious dedication to exercises, such as writing letters to your inner child, some are different tasks than others such as clearing your mind and imagining good in a specific person. As I
Overall, this book is a really deep thinking book, I haven't fully understand what the author is trying to teach us, but I love this process of stretching my
This paper explores the history and some interesting facts about DNA. The last couple centuries have seen an exponential growth in our knowledge of DNA. The history of the DNA can be traced back to multiple devoted scientist. This article attempts to summarize, and review the basic history of DNA while providing some fascinating information about it.
What would you do if you discovered a secret that changed everything? In the DNA of relationships, Dr. Gary Smalley gave me a glimpse in to the unique characteristics of relationships, giving me new aspects to be aware of and old one’s I hadn’t thought about for a while, something that really changed everything for me. One fascinating aspect of this book is the writer’s ability to start from the beginning, after the introduction, he goes back to the first relationship known to man, that is Adam, and Eve, to give readers a basic knowledge of the fundamentals of relationships.
There are two different types of avoidance attachments: fearful and dismissive. People with either of these avoidance attachment styles often say that they are uncomfortable being close to others; and they find it hard to trust and depend on others. They get nervous when anyone gets too close to them, or when romantic partners want to be more intimate with them. People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment often have mixed
It also deals with the horrible trauma that comes with having someone who betrayed your trust physically and mentally say they 'care for you.' The amount of paranoia that follows and how easily one can fall into distrusting their own instincts as well as the people around
Some relationships are fleeting, some long; some are intense, others comfortable; some are explosive, others
In the following 17 summaries I describe a whole spectrum of factors which have most likely been controlling you and affecting the ways in which you react and behave in dating and relationships. Not being aware of the power these factors exert over you leads you to sabotage your attempts at developing a successful intimacy.
The most common relationship problems are those between couples. Having intense feelings for another, being deeply or passionately in love with someone is sheer joy. However, when troubles arise, is can be devastating. Whether the relationship is strong because of passion, comfort or admirable qualities such as commitment towards each other, it leaves a feeling of disappointment when there is a disturbance that appears as a flaw in this perfect affair of the heart. Depending on what the problems are,
There is a variety of relationships that a person experiences in a lifetime. A relationship is something that connects two or more people emotionally, mentally or physically. Relationships can be with family, friends, a significant other, and co-workers. Some relationships can help boost self-confidence and self-worth if the relationship goes well or ends well. Although some relationships can tear a
First of all, this book is similar to some things I'm learning in social psychology. It wasn't any suprise to me when I
Fairy tales tell us that once upon a time a girl met a boy; they fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Reality is not that simple. Long-term relationships force couples to get to know each other, involve themselves in each others’ worlds, fight through the hard times, and eventually develop deeper connections as noted through distinctive stages of Knapp’s relationship model. Although I have dated the same person for over two years, our communication through relationship stages makes it seem as though I am now dating a different person than the one I met years ago. Following dissolution and subsequent repair, I realize the most exhilarating of roller coaster rides develop through sets of ups and downs, much like the
This literature review will first define romantic relationships and explore what exactly happens in the development of these relationships. From the research found, individual’s age or sex did not necessarily affect the differences in communication. Some research claimed that communication itself defined a romantic relationship; while other researchers said that a couple having the conversation of, “what are we?” was enough to define the relationship. Sometimes it was mutuality in a relationship that helped define it. Mutuality in relationships was often increased with positivity and compliments between partners (Doohan and Manusov 2004).
The fairy tales say that once upon a time a girl met a boy; they fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Reality is not that simple. Long-term relationships force couples to get to know each other, involve themselves in each others’ worlds, fight through the hard times, and eventually develop deeper connections through distinctive stages of Knapp’s relationship model. Although I have dated the same person for over two years, the stages of our communication make it seem as though I am now dating a different person following dissolution and subsequent repair. However, even the most exhilarating of roller coaster rides develop through a combination of ups and downs, much like the stages of a relationship.