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DNA Of Relationships

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Relationships are hard and can be very painful sometimes. But, why? Are we just unlucky when it comes to making relationships? Or is the second party of the relationship at fault? Dr. Gary Smalley remarkably explains key concepts that could solve many relationship issues in his book The DNA of Relationships. The first thing this book made me aware of was the fear dance. The fear dance is when someone triggers your fears resulting in you reacting negatively which triggers his or her fears and turns into an ongoing cycle. This stood out to me because there is so much truth in this theory. I think back to broke relationships and that was the problem. We constantly made the other hurt by our reactions to our fear button being pushed. This applies …show more content…

This is one of the most personal wants for me. I desire deep and meaningful relationships with others. I want to know everything I can to understand what makes them tick, desire, and vulnerable. I yearn for emotionally intimate conversations with others. Typically when I first meet a potential friend, I ask deep questions right off the bat. This usually scares people because small talk is what is normal when you first met people. But, I personally find small talk boring and tedious. With every want is a fear. The fear that pairs with companionship is loneliness. Being an introvert, I am alone quite often. No one really pushes my fear button; I do. When I have been alone a lot, I ask others to do something with me, like lunch, coffee, etc. When my friends are busy, I feel as though no one wants to hang out with me which triggers my fear button. When my fear button is pushed I turn into a hermit. I tend to stay in my room and minimize speaking with others. Which makes me feel even lonelier. This triggers my fear dance with myself. When this fear button of loneliness gets pushed I react by withdrawing from any and most other …show more content…

I want to feel secure in all aspects of my life. In relationships especially, I long for people in my life that will create an atmosphere with little tension. With the want of safety comes the fear of danger. Tension, I know, can be good but I flee from different types of tensions. In my eyes, danger is not just physical but can also be emotional. When I seek people to be my friend, I tend to sway closer to those who are caring and compassionate. I also find myself staying clear of anyone who shows signs of hurting my emotional stature. When my danger fear button is pushed I go into exaggeration mode. I enlarge the situation majorly. Like if a my friend’s boyfriend was being flirtatious with another girl and I felt that he was going to damage my friend’s emotional state, I would go to her and be honest but be very overly upset about the situation. My third want is success. I strive to perfection in everything I do. Perfection is inevitably impossible, but I still try to be perfect. This philosophy is a vicious cycle of failure in my eyes. I chose this want only because of the fear, which is failure. When given a task of high or low priority, I aim to do the absolute best I can. This may sound not like a problem until I reveal what happens when I do not live up to my own high expectations for myself. When I do not succeed, I emotionally break. I cry and I question everything about

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