In both arranged marriages and love marriages there are some good things but as well as a few bad things. During the 20th century, arranged marriages were very common among families. In non-western countries many of the cultures say that love is not a requirement for marriage (Epstein). First comes marriage, then comes love. That is the normal in their cultures. Arranged marriages are usually put together by the parents or close family of the son or daughter. Since it is put together by the parents, then the parents gain more trust in their child due to their decision (Shanmukh). In arranged marriages, the love grows overtime unlike studies shown for love marriages. Arranged marriage couples are known to have more anxiety than love marriages …show more content…
In this tribe you are to have arranged marriages that are arranged by the parents. Nnaemeka, Okeke’s son had found a girl himself and wanted to be with her. He loves Nene. Nene is a school teacher and a good christian. When Okeke heard about this he was ashamed and disappointed in his son. “His father’s silence was infinitely more menacing than a flood of threatening speech”(Achebe 191). This kind of behavior was against their tribe’s belief and Okeke referred to it as Satan’s work. Love marriages just did not work for them. “The story eventually got to the little village in the heart of the Ibo country that Nnaemeka and his young wife were a most happy couple”(Achebe 193). The son who went against his tribe’s beliefs and fell in love before marriage without it being arranged, was happy with his wife. Nnaemeka learned that you could still be happily married without it being arranged. Okeke did not talk to his son for eight years because of his decision. Later in the story, Okeke learned he has two grandsons and felt remorse for not being able to see them grow up. In the end, Nnaemeka turned out happy with two children in a love
Arranged marriage is found in various cultures and countries around the world, including Afghanistan and other parts of the Middle East; having an arranged marriage is thought of as an Afghani tradition and has been a part of life for many families. The practice of arranged marriage has advantages and disadvantages; it can create more family power and give more financial security. Sadly being forced into a marriage can disrupt the independence of the engaged, most women stop their education when they become engaged resulting in many women being illiterate. This makes it impossible for them to be successful without depending on their husbands. Arranged marriage is found in many cultures throughout the modern world, though in a lot of cases it results in a happy family it can also be very limiting on women and often girls are married before they can give consent.
Nnaemeka’s actions in marrying outside the ethnicity are revolutionary because he is causing a dramatic change in what was believed to be right by Nnaemeka’s people. Revolutionary means to act in a way beyond traditional principles. Therefore, Nnaemeka is exhibiting a breaking of tradition. The society Nnaemeka grew up in expects their young to grow into
Nnaemeka explained to Nene in their room about the marriage tradition of Ibo’s and how they tend to take priority of arranging the marriage,”Yes. They are most unhappy if the engagement is not arranged by them… you are not even an Ibo.” (Achebe 986) This shows that Nnaemeka is afraid to confess to his father about the marriage, because he knows that his father will disapprove of anything that is not arranged by him. His father in turn is a figure with power that influences Nnaemeka’s actions by fear. Therefore, he is uncertain whether or not to keep the marriage secret from Okeke. Nnaemeka reluctantly told his father but unfortunately received numerous signs of disapproval that he was frightened of,”It amazes me that you could be so unfeeling to send me your wedding picture… But on further thought I decided just to cut off your wife and send it back to you because I have nothing to do with her…” (Achebe 990) This shows an example of what Nnaemeka feared would happen between his father and his marriage with Nene. Nene was brought to tears by this action of Okeke and had in mind that he would never come to accept her as his son’s wife. Okeke played a major role in disheartening Nnaemeka to make the decision of telling his father of Nene. Nnaemeka knew that Okeke would go against his choice of marrying Nene and
These consequences include long periods of time without relations with his father and his tribe. His father and tribe, in a sense, disown Nnaemeka as he chooses to leave the narrow path of tradition and follow the broad path of the switch to modernization. This leaves both parties distressed as both hit an emotional low point. Both wish to portray parts of their individual lifestyles and share it, only to find that the beliefs contrast greatly. Change occurs when Nnaemeka’s father, Okeke, decides that the views should not block his relation with his son and grandchildren and reveals that he takes back Nnaemeka after an eight year period of reproach.
Nwoye’s resentment of his father stems from multiple issues, but Nwoye’s conversion to Christianity was symbolically his separation from his father. Okonkwo was also the embodiment of their Ibo culture, which Nwoye found morally questionable after the deaths of the twins and Ikemefuna. Ezinma – “‘You have not eaten for two days,’ said his daughter Ezinma when she brought food to him. ‘So you must finish this’” (63). Ezinma and her father, Okonkwo, have a very close relationship.
When Okeke learns of his son's engagement he completely shuts down as a result of his anger. He refuses to even meet his son’s fiance and refuses to speak to him for the following eight years. During that time he receives a picture from his son’s wedding, and returns the picture but cuts out Nene, a gesture which seems quite harsh and unnecessary. However, he finally lets up towards the end of the story when he receives a letter from Nene about his grandchildren. He begins to regret the years he has spent separated from his family and shows a wish to try and make it up to them. This part of the story validates that Okeke does care for his family despite his rude behavior. The most significant evidence however, is when Nnaemeka's tells Nene about his father. He says that Okeke is “essentially good natured” and that he will come around in regards to their marriage. This quote is important because Nnaemeka is likely one of the few people in the world who knows Okeke best. His description of Okeke suggests that he is usually a more kind and reasonable man and that his harsh behavior towards the couple was not typical of him. This makes him a complex character because harshness and good nature are two contradicting qualities. While his refusal to speak to his son and his rude reaction towards their wedding photo, portray Okeke as bitter and easily
Nene – fiancée and later the wife of Naemeka; she is from the Ibibio tribe. She has been educated at the university and is a school teacher. She is a modern young Nigerian woman who wants to be accepted by her husband’s father.
In “Marriage is a Private Affair” Nnaemeka is open to modern ideas, but understands that tradition is important to his father. Nnaemeka respects his father’s viewpoint and traditions, but feels it is good to follow a more modern path to marriage rather than to be part of an arranged marriage. He even says to his father “you will change your mind, Father, when you meet Nene.” Okeke replies, “I will never see her.” Okeke is stubborn and furious that his son has chosen to ignore his wishes. He is very traditional and prideful and remains stuck in his ways. He eventually disowns his son and does not accept his marriage. Nene, on the other hand, cannot understand how a father could reject his own son for marrying outside of the village. It is not
Okeke was an old man who lived in the rural areas of Africa, whereas his son lived in the cosmopolitan area of the city in Lagos. In Africa, people are segregated by different tributes, which cultures and mindset conflicts. As a result, some tribes show flexibility while others display strict traditional values. The countryside where Okeke lived had strict traditional values where two different tribes could not marry each other, “…when it comes to marriage, its not quite so simple… is not
The Christian church had finally won him over with their answers to questions he had been asking his whole life. All that was left was to cut the ties with his old life, with his father. But his father was the one to make the first move. After learning of his sons visit to the church Okonkwo grabbed him by the throat in a misguided search for a reason why. “Nwoye struggled to free himself from the choking grip” (page 151) Even when he has fully lost his son to the new religion, Okonkwo still tries to use violence to mold his son into what he perceives a man should be, which illustrates the nature of their relationship. It had always been fueled by anger on Okonkwo's part and fear on Nwoye's. It takes people screaming at him to let his son go for Okonkwo to finally give up, but this attack was the last straw and he was finally able to free himself of his father. "But he left hold of Nwoye, who walked away and never returned.” (page 152) Though Okonkwo did not learn from this experience, Nwoye did. He learned that his father's violence and anger could no longer control him, and that there was an escape available, though it was an escape to another culture that he most likely did not fully believe in either but at the very least, this one did not have Okonkwo. "Nwoye did not fully understand. But he was happy to leave his father."(page 152) Okonkwo's goal had always been to make Nwoye 'manlier' as he was afraid of the shame having a feminine son would
Okonkwo considers Nwoke to be weak, lazy and is more feminine than masculine. He feared that Nwoke will turn out to be like Unoka so, “he sought to correct him by constant nagging and beating” (11). Achebe shows that Okonkwo wants his son to be strong and fierce like him, but when this was not the case he feels that harming Nwoke will teach him. Though instead of the punishment helping Nwoke become manly, it had a negative effect on Nwoke leading him to fear and resents his father. In addition, the small relationship they had was completely broken when Nwoke finds an interest for the Christian religion. When Okonkwo hears that Nwoke is among the Christians, he gets furious and disowns his son because he does not want Nwoke to join the church . Likewise, when Obierika ask Nwoke how his father is he answers saying, “I don’t know. He is not my father” (124). This shows that instead of working out their different opinions they fought and in the end tore their relationship apart. One can not miss the reality that if Okonkwo was kind and not hurtful towards Nwoke tun he would have stayed with the Ibo culture. If this was the cause then the father and son would have had a better relationship. In the end the reader can conclude that Nwoke and Okonkwo’s relationship failed because of the actions and feelings they had for each
More importantly, it shows significant philosophies and insights about life. In this story, Achebe might be trying to tell that, marriage should be a private affair. Marriage is an agreement between the two people who were going to unite. Thus, this means that marriage should be done privately following the personal choice. In this story, Nnaemeka married Nena, a girl from other tribe. According to their culture, arranged by the father, a son of Ibo tribe should marry the girl of their own tribe. Nnaemeka broke their custom. He chose to have a partner of his choice rather than an arranged marriage. In this, Achebe might also want us to figure out how marriage could be if it is a private affair. More than anything else, this story was telling us that marriage life could be happy though bounded with different cultures. In this story, it is said that the marriage life of Nnaemeka and Nena has been a joyful
This is a review for one of the most influencing and wonderful works of Chinua Achebe, the “Marriage is a Private Affair” which is about a man named Nnaemeka from the Igbo (Ibo) tribe who wants to marry an Ibibio woman, Nene, who lives in Lagos; a cosmopolitan and the capital city of Nigeria. But his father Okeke opposes and does not want the idea of their marriage. This short story is in the most famous compilation of short stories of Achebe which is the Girls at War and Other Stories (1972); set during the chaotic Nigerian Civil War in 1967-1970.
Okonkwo treated his son and daughter very differently. The child-father relationship between Okonkwo and Nwoye was a distant and strained one while Okonkwo exhibited another type of feeling towards Ezinma which is filled with care and concern. This was due to the fact that Nwoye “was already causing his father great anxiety for his incipient laziness” whereas Ezinma was thought to have the “right spirit” and “alone understood [Okonkwo’s] every mood”.
The evangelists are very accepting, as they take in the osu, outcasts from the clan. They offer salvation along with freedom, which Nwoye has been searching for for a long time. However, because of Nwoye’s action, Okonkwo disowns him. Later, when Obierika goes to visit Okonkwo, he finds that “Okonkwo [does] not wish to speak about Nwoye.” Moreover, Okonkwo tells his other children that “if any one of [them] prefers to be a woman, let him follow Nwoye” (Achebe, 172). Okonkwo then asks himself how he could have “begotten a woman for a son” (Achebe, 153). According to Okonkwo, Nwoye has become weak because he has joined another religion. Since Okonkwo believes he is the most masculine man in Umuofia, it is unbearable that his child turned out to be such a failure. This unbearable change in his family creates a ripple effect of events that become worse and worse for Okonkwo.