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The Grief FAQ: "Am I Doing This Right?"

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Before I get into this I just want to clarify that the title isn't a reflection of how I view grief; the question has been presented to me using these words by clients more times than I can remember. The majority of group work I do nowadays involves grief and loss. Folks who attend these groups, on some level, are seeking answers to many questions they have struggled with for a long time prior to making a decision to deal with their loss in a group setting. The groups that I facilitate define loss broadly; loss can involve death, trauma, identity, divorce, and a whole host of other life changes that can attack a persons sense of identity or safety. Although the groups do not typically look like most bereavement groups they tend to work really well. Over the years, I've noticed that there are some questions and themes that come up consistently in groups and in the course of the next few months I'll be writing about these one at a time. A common struggle for many folks identify is trying to figure out how grieving is operationalized and whether they are doing it "right". "Doing it right" usually has two meanings for the person struggling with a loss. The first has to do with reaction - many folks spend a good deal of time trying to figure out whether how they are feeling in relation to the loss is normal. The second has to do with process - a desire for a blue print on how to go about grieving. When it comes to reaction most folks, at least in theory, buy into the

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