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| COME listen to a merry song about a merry wight— | |
| The sovereign of all topers he, Ephron the Prince that hight; | |
| He strict forbade that any lad who aimed to live aright | |
| Should ever drink a drop—a drop of water! | |
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| When with his court he sate at board, they always brought him first, | 5 |
| A bowl of twenty flagons for to slake his royal thirst; | |
| Then he’d fall to, and crunch and chew until you thought he’d burst— | |
| But never stop to drink a drop—of water! | |
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| Each morn Prince Ephron said his prayers before he broke his fast— | |
| “Good Lord!” he’d cry, “My mouth is dry, my tongue and lips stick fast; | 10 |
| My throat’s on fire, my heart’s a pyre, my frame’s a furnace vast, | |
| Oh, quench my flames with drink—but not with water! | |
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| “Make haste, dear friends, for love of God and my immortal soul, | |
| And fetch me good old white wine in my lordly silver bowl; | |
| Oh, that’s the thing to heart a king and make a sick man whole— | 15 |
| But spoil it not, Oh, spoil it not, with water! | |
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| “The harm that water does to folk, if that you doubt,” says he, | |
| “There’s quite a bit in Holy Writ, for everyone to see; | |
| Examples few, I think will do, to make you say with me, | |
| That danger lurks in every drop of water. | 20 |
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| “There’s Noah’s flood—that near made mud of all the world then known— | |
| The Nile—wherein by tyrants vile, our baby boys were thrown— | |
| And the Red Sea—where Pharaoh’s host went down like any stone— | |
| Now what were flood, and Nile, and sea, but water! | |
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| “There’s Moses—meekest shepherd he, of an unruly flock— | 25 |
| Yet lost the Promised Land because, in rage, he struck the rock; | |
| If blame to him, no shame to him, for sure ’twas quite a shock | |
| To hear the people grumble so—for water! | |
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| “Look ye, how pride,” he often cried, “makes for contracted view; | |
| Your glass-blowers now, from potters well might learn—and tinkers too! | 30 |
| This thing they call a wine-glass, pah! ’Twould hold a drop of dew— | |
| But I’m not drinking dew—or any water!” | |
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| Prince Ephron kept the sacred days of Israel’s faith. At least, | |
| If fasts him irked, he never shirked a single holy feast; | |
| And on the Days of Penitence, was none, in West or East, | 35 |
| That, more than he, kept gullet-free—from water. | |
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| Tebèt would make him whine and fret; through Tamuz he would bawl; | |
| And sore he’d moan and fast he’d groan, in Ab for Zion’s fall, | |
| Till by the ninth too weak he’d grown, to try to fast at all; | |
| Yet still he strict abstained—from drinking water. | 40 |
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| Yom Kippurìm his eyes went dim, with anguish of the soul, | |
| So by the Din it was no sin to call for plate and bowl; | |
| But down his cheeks in salty streaks the tears of guile would roll, | |
| And once in every year, he tasted water. | |
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| Amends, indeed, he made full meed. Each month he’d keep Purìm | 45 |
| The four cups he made forty—every night Leil Shimurìm; | |
| Succòth, Sh’buòth, Kiddùsh and Habdalàh were good to him— | |
| Be sure his cup of blessing wasn’t water! | |
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| Whene’er it rained or threatened rain, at home would Ephron stay; | |
| “If clouds were wine-vats and their showers strong drink,” he used to say, | 50 |
| “I’d hie me out the storms to flout, and bask in them all day— | |
| “But what’s the use of ‘ifs,’” he said,—“or water!” | |
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| “If ’stead of brine, the waves were wine, of vintage fine,” quoth he, | |
| “I’d wish to be a Jonah’s fish a’ swimming in the sea; | |
| None other Eden would I ask to all eternity— | 55 |
| But for our sins God made the sea of water! | |
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| “For had He sent a flood of wine—in Noah’s time, you know, | |
| Our patriarch had built no ark, to be shut in, below; | |
| In such a tide, Oh, none had died—but all cut up Didò— | |
| And that’s why rivers, rains and seas are water!” | 60 |
* * * * * Prince Ephron (peace upon his soul!) lies sleeping in the dust | |
| Until that day when, sages say, the sinful and the just | |
| Shall rise to meet their due reward. Then, let us humbly trust, | |
| Nor he, nor we, shall crave in vain for water! | |
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