On your way! I says. It is de most civilized village dis side de Harlem, I says. In de driving class for trotters, in de hackney class, in four-in-hands, tandems, in all de signs of civilization an refinement, I says, pinching some of Mr. Pauls woids, New York is a strawberry fer fair, I says.
Anoder entry, says Duchess, not listening to me woids of wisdom, is a blouse bodice, slightly gadered on de shoulders an at de belt, bote front an back. Let us hasten, she says, to de Horse Show.
Well, little Miss Fannie fell off her bike an bumped her conk one day, so of course Miss Fannie, Mr. Burton, and Whiskers wanted no Horse Show dat night, an Duchess got de tickets fer de box. I wored one of Mr. Burtons dress suits, an it fitted me so dudey I had a yard of pants to roll up at de bottom. But Duchess was in it for style up to de limit. She had a dress Miss Fannie give her, an, honest, a strawberry was a turnip alongside her!
When we floats to de box Duchess hists a lornyet to her peeper, and takes a peep at folks around us wit such a look on her I felt like giving away brownstone fronts on de Avenoo. I was watching Mr. Paul in de ring, driving his four-in-hand like he does everyting elseas if it was so easy it made him tiredan when he swung around by us he takes a peep at our box, looking for Whiskers, I spose. He seen me, tips me a solemn wink, an when he wins de foist prize he strolls over to us, wit his hands in his pockets. He leans over de box, an says, Hortensewhat is Duchesss nameyou is lookin like a bunch of fleur-de-lis dis evening.
Merci, Msieu, says Duchess, passing him out a bow dat paralized de mugs rubbering to see who Mr. Paul was talking to. Tell me, Msieu Paul, she says, why all de big space in de center is toined into a stable? If de loidies was let to promenade dere, dey could show deir gowns twice as well. Is dere not stalls enough in New York fer de horses, she says, witout wasting good space on em here?
Madam Fadden, says Mr. PaulI always dies when I hears Duchess called Mrs. Faddenyou has wisdom as well as wit. Having a pull here, he says, I shall arrange next year to put de horses in de boxes an de loidies in de ring.
So I recalled, says Mr. Paul. Me young fren comes from Philadelphia, he says, but I wishes him no harm on dat account. His brudder wired me to see dat de youngster had a good time, but not too good.
I shall present him to you and Hortense, says Mr. Paul, and I suspect hell not quite catch your names. But if he heard you call Hortense Duchess, de plot would ticken so you couldnt stir it wit a golf club.
Well, pretty soon Mr. Paul chases up to de box wit a nice Willie in tow. Madam de Tarumsky, says Mr. Paul, I begs to present me fren Mr. Rittenhouse, he says, and Duchess passes out a coy glance to Ritty. Mr. Fahdaning, says Mr. Paul to me, shake hands wit me fren, he says.
I says notting for a while, for Ritty struck such a gait I was out of de running. But when hed asked Duchess about de loidies in all de boxes, say, you should heard de pedigree she give some of em! Police!I saw me opening, and jumps in wit, Duchess, I says, and at de woid little Ritty near fell out de box, me dear Duchess, I says, je suis fatigué, I says, and I has a toist on me like a dry pump.
Well, we hikes out of de Garden, flags a carriage, an rolls to Mr. Waldorfs inn, where a million odder dry-an-hungries was headed. All tables what wasnt filled had chairs toined up; but Duchess gives de boss waiter a line of forn talk, an he hustled a table for us like we was rolling cigarettes in coupons.
Notting at all, says Duchess, giving me heart failure. Not a ting, me dear Msieu Wittenwouse, unless it was a mere glass of wine, a bit of terrapin, a broiled lobstershe passes me out a ghost of a wink at data broiled live lobster, a reed-boid or two, and a biscuit Tortoni. Notting elsereally notting!
Listen: Ritty has de making of a dead-game sport, for fair. He asks for de private wine list, an orders a quart dat costs an X per bot. He has de boned terrapin sent in cold an cooks it himself on a chafing-dish, an all de time was telling us what a warm proposition Philadelphia is.
Well, I kep de bottle from getting stuck in de cooler, an, by de time we was feeding, de plug was out of anodder X raise bottle, an we was de cheerfulest woikers in de dining-room. Ritty was your Grac-ing Duchess till folks at odder tables was rubbering us to beat a windmill.
When Ritty put up de pricean de size of de meal ticket never jarred himDuchess tips me de wink to fly de coop, an we bucks de center till we made a touch-down in Toity-fort Street. Just den Perkins, our butler, who was having his night off, comes along, an when he sees me an Duchess wit de swell Willie, he gives us de ha-ha. Chames, he says, youd better go home; your master wants you.
We waltzes up de Avenoo, an stops at de swellest house in it, where a goil Duchess knows is a maid. Sorry, says Duchess to Ritty, dat I cant ask you in to smoke a cigarette, but de house is all tored up by decoratorsI cant even get in by de front entrance.
Notting very bad, says de loidy, wit a laugh, but if your maid is fond of flowers an candy, send her to my house. About a ton of em comes every day from Philadelphia, addressed to de Duchess de Tarumsky. I refused to take em in, but my maid receives em, an says she knows who dey is for.
Miss Fannie told Duchess, she told me, an I told Mr. Paul. He looked tautful a while, and den says, I will call on de loidy, an square you an Hortense, Chames. But de next time I puts your foot on de Philadelphia end of de social ladder, dont try to stretch it to New York; nor, he says, put your foot tru it.