The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.
Heinrich Heine (1797–1856)Equality of Man and Beast
W
Lick thy well-belovèd muzzle,
My dear Mumma, which so sweetly
Stroked me over, as with honey!
That sweet smell, thy own peculiar,
Oh, my dear and swarthy Mumma,
Charming as the scent of roses!
In the fetters of those rascals,
Who, the name of men adopting,
Deem themselves creation’s masters.
Aristocracy’s arch-emblems,
Look down on the an’mal kingdom
Proudly and disdainfully;
Fetter us, ill-treat us, even
Kill us, for the sake of selling
Our poor hide and our poor carcass!
Wicked deeds like this to practise
’Gainst us bears especially;
And the “rights of man” they call it!
Tell me who bestow’d them on you?
Nature certainly ne’er did so,
For she’s not unnatural!
This great privilege, I wonder?
Reason certainly ne’er did so,
For she’s not unreasonable!
Than we others, just for eating
All your dinners boil’d or roasted?
In a raw state we eat ours;
To us both. No, food can never
Make one noble; he is noble
Who both nobly feels and acteth.
Just because the arts and science
With success ye follow? We, now,
Never give ourselves the trouble.
Dogs, and horses too, who reckon
Just like councilors of commerce?
Do not hares the drum play finely?
In the art of hydrostatics?
Were not clysters first invented
By the cleverness of storks?
Are not apes all good comedians?
Is there any greater mimic
Than Batavia, long-tail’d monkey?
And is Freiligrath a poet
Who can sing of lions better
Than his countryman the camel?
Have advanced as much as Raumer
That of writing. Writes he better
Than I dance—yes, I, the bear?
Than we others? Upright hold ye,
It is true, your heads, but in them
Low-born thoughts are ever creeping.
Than are we, because your skin is
Smooth and glist’ning? This advantage
Ye but share with every serpent.
Well I see the reason why ye
Breeches wear; with foreign wool ye
Hide your serpent-nakedness!
Hairless and misshapen creatures!
My dear daughters, never marry
Any monster that wears breeches!
If all beasts but thought so too,
With united forces would we
Take up arms against the tyrants.
With the horse, the elephant
Twine his trunk in loving fashion
Round the valiant ox’s horn.
Goat and monkey, e’en the hare,
For a time would work in common,
And our triumph would be certain.
Requisite. Alone, we’re conquered
Easily, but, joined together,
We would overreach the tyrants.
And monopoly’s vile sway
Be o’erthrown, and we’ll establish
A just kingdom for us beasts.
Of God’s creatures, irrespective
Of their faith, or skin, or odor,
Be its fundamental maxim!
Be entitled to high office;
On the other hand, the lion
Carry to the mill the sack.
Is a very servile rascal,
Since for centuries has man
Like a dog ne’er ceased to treat him.
Once again his olden rights,
His prescriptive birthright, and he
Soon again will be ennobled.
All the rights of citizens,
And by law be made the equals
Of all other sucking creatures.
For the Jew shall not be lawful;
This amendment I insist on
In the interest of my art.
Plastic art in motion’s wanting
To that race, who really ruin
What there is of public taste.