Bliss Carman, et al., eds. The World’s Best Poetry.
Volume IX. Tragedy: Humor. 1904. | | | | Humorous Poems: II. Miscellaneous | | The Nose and the Eyes | | William Cowper (1731–1800) |
| | | BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose; | |
| The spectacles set them, unhappily, wrong; | |
| The point in dispute was, as all the world knows, | |
| To whom the said spectacles ought to belong. | |
| |
| So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause, | 5 |
| With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning, | |
| While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,— | |
| So famed for his talent in nicely discerning. | |
| |
| “In behalf of the Nose, it will quickly appear | |
| (And your lordship,” he said, “will undoubtedly find) | 10 |
| That the Nose has the spectacles always to wear, | |
| Which amounts to possession, time out of mind.” | |
| |
| Then, holding the spectacles up to the court, | |
| “Your lordship observes, they are made with a straddle, | |
| As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short, | 15 |
| Designed to sit close to it, just like a saddle. | |
| |
| “Again, would your lordship a moment suppose | |
| (’T is a case that has happened, and may happen again) | |
| That the visage or countenance had not a Nose, | |
| Pray, who would, or who could, wear spectacles then? | 20 |
| |
| “On the whole, it appears, and my argument shows, | |
| With a reasoning the court will never condemn, | |
| That the spectacles, plainly, were made for the Nose, | |
| And the Nose was, as plainly, intended for them.” | |
| |
| Then shifting his side (as a lawyer knows how), | 25 |
| He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes: | |
| But what were his arguments, few people know, | |
| For the court did not think them equally wise. | |
| |
| So his lordship decreed, with a grave, solemn tone, | |
| Decisive and clear, without one if or but, | 30 |
| That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on, | |
| By daylight or candlelight,—Eyes should be shut. | | | | |
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