Epigrams

Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772–1834)

Cologne

IN Köln, a town of monks and bones,

And pavements fanged with murderous stones,

And rags, and hags, and hideous wenches,—

I counted two-and-seventy stenches,

All well-defined and several stinks!

Ye nymphs that reign o’er sewers and sinks,

The river Rhine, it is well known,

Doth wash your city of Cologne;

But tell me, nymphs! what power divine

Shall henceforth wash the river Rhine?

SLY Beelzebub took all occasions

To try Job’s constancy and patience.

He took his honor, took his health;

He took his children, took his wealth,

His servants, oxen, horses, cows—

But cunning Satan did not take his spouse.

But Heaven, that brings out good from evil,

And loves to disappoint the devil,

Had predetermined to restore

Twofold all he had before;

His servants, horses, oxen, cows—

Short-sighted devil, not to take his spouse!

HOARSE Mævius reads his hobbling verse

To all, and at all times,

And finds them both divinely smooth,

His voice as well as rhymes.

Yet folks say Mævius is no ass;

But Mævius makes it clear

That he ’s a monster of an ass,—

An ass without an ear!

SWANS sing before they die,—’t were no bad thing

Did certain persons die before they sing.