Bliss Carman, et al., eds. The World’s Best Poetry.
Volume IX. Tragedy: Humor. 1904. | | | | Humorous Poems: I. Woman | | On an Old Muff | | Frederick Locker-Lampson (1821–1895) |
| | | TIME has a magic wand! | |
| What is this meets my hand, | |
| Moth-eaten, mouldy, and | |
| Covered with fluff, | |
| Faded and stiff and scant? | 5 |
| Can it be? no, it can’t,— | |
| Yes,—I declare ’t is Aunt | |
| Prudence’s Muff! | |
| |
| Years ago—twenty-three! | |
| Old Uncle Barnaby | 10 |
| Gave it to Aunty P., | |
| Laughing and teasing,— | |
| “Pru. of the breezy curls, | |
| Whisper these solemn churls, | |
| What holds a pretty girl’s | 15 |
| Hand without squeezing?” | |
| |
| Uncle was then a lad, | |
| Gay, but, I grieve to add, | |
| Gone to what ’s called “the bad,”— | |
| Smoking,—and worse! | 20 |
| Sleek sable then was this | |
| Muff, lined with pinkiness,— | |
| Bloom to which beauty is | |
| Seldom averse. | |
| |
| I see in retrospect | 25 |
| Aunt, in her best bedecked, | |
| Gliding, with mien erect, | |
| Gravely to meeting: | |
| Psalm-book, and kerchief new, | |
| Peeped from the Muff of Pru., | 30 |
| Young men—and pious, too— | |
| Giving her greeting. | |
| |
| Pure was the life she led | |
| Then: from her Muff, ’t is said, | |
| Tracts she distributed;— | 35 |
| Scapegraces many, | |
| Seeing the grace they lacked, | |
| Followed her; one attacked | |
| Prudence, and got his tract, | |
| Oftener than any! | 40 |
| |
| Love has a potent spell! | |
| Soon this bold ne’er-do-well, | |
| Aunt’s sweet susceptible | |
| Heart undermining, | |
| Slipped, so the scandal runs, | 45 |
| Notes in the pretty nun’s | |
| Muff,—triple-cornered ones,— | |
| Pink as its lining! | |
| |
| Worse, even, soon the jade | |
| Fled (to oblige her blade!) | 50 |
| Whilst her friends thought that they ’d | |
| Locked her up tightly: | |
| After such shocking games, | |
| Aunt is of wedded dames | |
| Gayest,—and now her name ’s | 55 |
| Mrs. Golightly. | |
| |
| In female conduct flaw | |
| Sadder I never saw, | |
| Still I ’ve faith in the law | |
| Of compensation. | 60 |
| Once uncle went astray,— | |
| Smoked, joked, and swore away; | |
| Sworn by, he ’s now, by a | |
| Large congregation! | |
| |
| Changed is the child of sin; | 65 |
| Now he ’s (he once was thin) | |
| Grave, with a double chin,— | |
| Blest be his fat form! | |
| Changed is the garb he wore: | |
| Preacher was never more | 70 |
| Prized than is uncle for | |
| Pulpit or platform. | |
| |
| If all ’s as best befits | |
| Mortals of slender wits, | |
| Then beg this Muff, and its | 75 |
| Fair owner pardon; | |
| All ’s for the best,—indeed, | |
| Such is my simple creed; | |
| Still I must go and weed | |
| Hard in my garden. | 80 | | | |
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