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| O SEXTANT of the meetin house, wich sweeps | |
| And dusts, or is supposed to! and makes fires, | |
| And lites the gass, and sumtimes leaves a screw loose, | |
| in wich case it smells orful, worse than lamp ile; | |
| And wrings the Bel and toles it when men dyes, | 5 |
| to the grief of survivin pardners, and sweeps paths | |
| And for the servusses gets $100 per annum, | |
| Wich them that thinks deer, let ’em try it; | |
| Gettin up before starlite in all wethers and | |
| Kindlin fires when the wether is as cold | 10 |
| As zero, and like as not green wood for kindlin, | |
| i wouldn’t be hired to do it for no sum. | |
| But O Sextant! there are 1 kermoddity | |
| Wich ’s more than gold, wich doant cost nothin, | |
| Worth more than anything except the sole of man! | 15 |
| i mean pewer Are, Sextant, i mean pewer are! | |
| O it is plenty out of doors, so plenty it doant no | |
| What on airth to dew with itself, but flys about | |
| Scatterin leaves and bloin off men’s hatts! | |
| in short, it ’s jest as “fre as are” out dores, | 20 |
| But O Sextant, in our church its scarce as buty, | |
| Scarce as bank bills, when agints begs for mischuns, | |
| Wich some say is purty offten (taint nothin to me, wat I give aint nothin to nobody) but O Sextant | |
| U shet 500 men, wimmin, and children, | |
| Speshally the latter, up in a tite place, | 25 |
| And every 1 on em brethes in and out, and out and in, | |
| Say 50 times a minnit, or 1 million and a half breths an our. | |
| Now how long will a church ful of are last at that rate, | |
| I ask you—say 15 minits—and then wats to be did? | |
| Why then they must brethe it all over agin, | 30 |
| And then agin, and so on till each has took it down | |
| At least 10 times, and let it up agin, and wats more | |
| The same individoal don’t have the priviledge | |
| of brethin his own are, and no ones else, | |
| Each one must take whatever comes to him. | 35 |
| O Sextant, doant you no our lungs is bellusses, | |
| To blo the fier of life, and keep it from goin out; | |
| and how can bellusses blo without wind | |
| And aint wind are? i put it to your conschens. | |
| Are is the same to us as milk to babies, | 40 |
| Or water is to fish, or pendlums to clox, | |
| Or roots and airbs unto an injun doctor, | |
| Or little pills unto an omepath, | |
| Or boys to gurls. Are is for us to brethe, | |
| What signifies who preaches if i cant brethe? | 45 |
| Wats Pol? Wats Pollus to sinners who are ded? | |
| Ded for want of breth, why Sextant, when we dy | |
| Its only coz we can’t brethe no more, thats all. | |
| And now O Sextant, let me beg of you | |
| To let a little are into our church. | 50 |
| (Pewer are is sertain proper for the pews) | |
| And do it weak days, and Sundays tew, | |
| It aint much trouble, only make a hole | |
| And the are will come of itself; | |
| (It luvs to come in where it can git warm) | 55 |
| And O how it will rouze the people up, | |
| And sperrit up the preacher, and stop garps, | |
| And yawns and figgits, as effectooal | |
| As wind on the dry boans the Profit tells of. | |
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