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From “A Book of Nonsense”
THERE was an Old Man with a nose, | |
| Who said, “If you choose to suppose | |
| That my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!” | |
| That remarkable Man with a nose. | |
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| There was a Young Person of Smyrna, | 5 |
| Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her; | |
| But she seized on the Cat, and said, “Granny, burn that! | |
| You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!” | |
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| There was an Old Person of Chili, | |
| Whose conduct was painful and silly; | 10 |
| He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears, | |
| That imprudent Old Person of Chili. | |
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| There was an Old Man in a tree, | |
| Who was horribly bored by a Bee; | |
| When they said, “Does it buzz?” he replied, “Yes, it does! | 15 |
| It ’s a regular brute of a Bee.” | |
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| There was an Old Man in a boat, | |
| Who said, “I ’m afloat! I ’m afloat!” | |
| When they said, “No, you ain’t!” he was ready to faint, | |
| That unhappy Old Man in a boat. | 20 |
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| There was an Old Person of Buda, | |
| Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder, | |
| Till at last with a hammer they silenced his clamor, | |
| By smashing that Person of Buda. | |
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| There was an Old Man of Kamschatka, | 25 |
| Who possessed a remarkably fat cur; | |
| His gait and his waddle were held as a model | |
| To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka. | |
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| There was an Old Man of Aôsta | |
| Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her; | 30 |
| But they said, “Don’t you see she has run up a tree, | |
| You invidious Old Man of Aôsta?” | |
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| There was a Young Lady of Clare, | |
| Who was madly pursued by a Bear; | |
| When she found she was tired, she abruptly expired, | 35 |
| That unfortunate Lady of Clare. | |
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| There was an Old Person of Cromer, | |
| Who stood on one leg to read Homer; | |
| When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the cliff, | |
| Which concluded that Person of Cromer. | 40 |
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| There was an Old Man who said, “Well! | |
| Will nobody answer this bell? | |
| I have pulled day and night, till my hair has grown white, | |
| But nobody answers this bell!” | |
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| There was an old man of Toulouse, | 45 |
| Who purchased a new pair of shoes; | |
| When they asked, “Are they pleasant?” he said, “Not at present!” | |
| That turbid old man of Toulouse. | |
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| There was an Old Man of the Nile, | |
| Who sharpened his nails with a file, | 50 |
| Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly, “This comes | |
| Of sharpening one’s nails with a file!” | |
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| There was an Old Man of the Dee, | |
| Who was sadly annoyed by a Flea; | |
| When he said, “I will scratch it!” they gave him a hatchet, | 55 |
| Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee. | |
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| There was an Old Man on some rocks, | |
| Who shut his Wife up in a box: | |
| When she said, “Let me out,” he exclaimed, “Without doubt | |
| You will pass all your life in that box.” | 60 |
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| There was an Old Man who said “How | |
| Shall I flee from this horrible Cow? | |
| I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile, | |
| Which may soften the heart of that Cow.” | |
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| There was an Old Man who said, “Hush! | 65 |
| I perceive a young bird in this bush!” | |
| When they said, “Is it small?” he replied, “Not at all; | |
| It is four times as big as the bush!” | |
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| There was an Old Person of Hurst, | |
| Who drank when he was not athirst; | 70 |
| When they said, “You ’ll grow fatter!” he answered “What matter?” | |
| That globular Person of Hurst. | |
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| There was an Old Person whose habits | |
| Induced him to feed upon Rabbits; | |
| When he ’d eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly green, | 75 |
| Upon which he relinquished those habits. | |
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| There was an Old Man of the West, | |
| Who wore a pale plum-colored vest; | |
| When they said, “Does it fit?” he replied, “Not a bit!” | |
| That uneasy Old Man of the West. | 80 |
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| There was an Old Man of Marseilles, | |
| Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils: | |
| They caught several Fish, which they put in a dish, | |
| And sent to their Pa at Marseilles. | |
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| There was a Young Lady of Norway, | 85 |
| Who casually sat in a doorway; | |
| When the door squeezed her flat, she exclaimed, “What of that?” | |
| This courageous Young Lady of Norway. | |
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| There was an old Person of Philæ, | |
| Whose conduct was scroobious and wily; | 90 |
| He rushed up a Palm when the weather was calm, | |
| And observed all the ruins of Philæ. | |
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| There was once an old man with a beard, | |
| Who said, “It is just as I feared!— | |
| Two Owls and a Hen, | 95 |
| Four Larks and a Wren | |
| Have all built their nests in my beard.” | |
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| There was an old person of Ware | |
| Who rode on the back of a bear; | |
| When they said, “Does it trot?” | 100 |
| He said: “Certainly not, | |
| It ’s a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear.” | |
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| There was a young lady in blue, | |
| Who said, “Is it you? Is it you?” | |
| When they said, “Yes, it is,” she replied only, “Whizz!” | 105 |
| That ungracious young lady in blue. | |
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| There was a young lady of Greenwich, | |
| Whose garments were bordered with Spinach; | |
| But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in half, | |
| Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich. | 110 |
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| There was an old man, who when little | |
| Fell casually into a kettle; | |
| But, growing too stout, he could never get out, | |
| So he passed all his life in that kettle. | |
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