Verse > Anthologies > T. R. Smith, ed. > Poetica Erotica: A Collection of Rare and Curious Amatory Verse
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T. R. Smith, comp.  Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse.  1921–22.
 
Pretty Kate of Windsor: A New Ballad
Anonymous
 
(From Pills to Purge Melancholy, c. 1707)

NEAR to the Town of Windsor, upon a pleasant Green,
There lived a Miller’s Daughter, her Age about Eighteen.
A Skin as White as Alabaster, and a killing Eye,
A round Plump bonny Buttock joined to a taper Thigh;
    Then ah! be kind, my Dear, be kinder, was the Ditty still,        5
    When pretty Kate of Windsor came to the Mill.
 
To treat with her in Private, first came a Booby Squire,
He offered ten Broad Pieces, but she refused the hire;
She said his Corn was musty, nor should her Toll-dish fill,
His Measure too so scanty, she feared ’twould burn her Mill.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
        10
 
Soon after came a Lawyer, as he the Circuit went,
He swore he’d Cheat her Landlord, and she should pay no Rent;
He questioned the Fee simple; but him she plainly told,
I’ll keep in spight of Law Tricks, mine own dear Copyhold.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
 
The next came on a Trooper, that did of Fighting prate,        15
Till she pulled out his Pistol, and knocked him o’er the Pate.
I hate, she cried, a Hector, a Drone without a Sting,
For if you must be Fighting Friend, go do it for the King.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
 
A late discarded Courtier, would next her favour win,
He offered her a Thousand when e’er King James came in;        20
She laughed at that extremely, and said it was too small,
For if he e’er comes in again, you’ll get the Devil and all.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
 
Next came a strutting Sailor that was of Mate’s degree,
He bragged much of his Valour in the late Fight at Sea;
She told him his Bravados but lamely did appear,        25
For if you had stood to’t, you Rogues, the French had ne’er came here.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
 
A Shopkeeper of London then opened his Love Case,
He told her he was Famous for Penning an Address;
She told City-wisdom was known by their Affairs,
Guild-Hall was full of Wit too in choice of Sheriffs and Mayors.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
        30
 
Next came a smug Physician upon a Pacing Mare,
But she declared she liked him much worse than any there;
He was so used to Glisters, she told him to his Face,
He always would be bobbing his Pipe at the wrong place.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
 
Next came an honest Tailor, if such a one can be,        35
And as he went to proffer to pull her on his knee,
She said, Kind Sir be Civil; and do not thus presume
You smell so strong of Cucumbers, I can’t endure the room.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
 
The Parson of the Town then did next his flame reveal,
She made him second Mourning, and covered him with Meal;        40
The Man of God stood fretting, she bid him not be vext,
’Twill serve you for a Surplice to Cant in Sunday next.
    Then ah! be kind, etc.
 
Now if you’d know the reason she was to them unkind,
There was a brisk young Farmer that taught her still to grind;
She knew him for a Workman that had the ready skill,        45
To open well her Water-gate, and best supply her Mill.
    Then ah! be kind, my Dear, be kinder, was the Ditty still,
    When pretty Kate of Windsor came to the Mill.
 
 
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