T. R. Smith, comp. Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse. 1921–22.
The Jolly Trades-men
Anonymous(From Pills to Purge Melancholy, c. 1720) |
SOMETIMES I am a Tapster new, | |
| And skilful in my Trade Sir, | |
| I fill my Pots most duly, | |
| Without deceit or froth Sir: | |
| A Spicket of two Handfuls long, | 5 |
| I use to Occupy Sir: | |
| And when I set a Butt abroach, | |
| Then shall no Beer run by Sir. | |
| Sometimes I am a Butcher, | |
| And then I feel fat Ware Sir; | 10 |
| And if the Flank be fleshed well, | |
| I take no farther care Sir: | |
| But in I thrust my Slaughtering-Knife, | |
| Up to the Haft with speed Sir; | |
| For all that ever I can do, | 15 |
| I cannot make it bleed Sir. | |
| Sometimes I am a Baker, | |
| And Bake both white and brown Sir; | |
| I have as fine a Wrigling-Pole, | |
| As any is in all this Town Sir: | 20 |
| But if my Oven be over-hot, | |
| I dare not thrust it in Sir; | |
| For burning of my Wrigling-Pole, | |
| My Skill’s not worth a Pin Sir. | |
| Sometimes I am a Glover, | 25 |
| And can do passing well Sir; | |
| In dressing of a Doe-skin, | |
| I know I do excel Sir: | |
| But if by chance a Flaw I find, | |
| In dressing of the Leather; | 30 |
| I straightway whip my Needle out, | |
| And I tack ’em close together. | |
| Sometimes I am a Cook, | |
| And in Fleet-Street I do dwell Sir: | |
| At the sign of the Sugar-loaf, | 35 |
| As it is known full well Sir: | |
| And if a dainty Lass comes by, | |
| And wants a dainty bit Sir; | |
| I take four Quarters in my Arms, | |
| And put them on my Spit Sir. | 40 |
| In Weavering and in Fulling, | |
| I have such passing Skill Sir; | |
| And underneath my Weavering-Beam, | |
| There stands a Fulling-Mill Sir: | |
| To have good wives’ displeasure, | 45 |
| I would be very loath Sir; | |
| The Water runs so near my Hand, | |
| It over-thicks my Cloth Sir. | |
| Sometimes I am a Shoe-maker, | |
| And work with silly Bones Sir; | 50 |
| To make my Leather soft and moist, | |
| I use a pair of Stones Sir: | |
| My Lasts for and my lasting Sticks, | |
| Are fit for every size Sir; | |
| I know the length of Lasses Feet, | 55 |
| By handling of their Thighs Sir. | |
| The Tanner’s Trade I practice, | |
| Sometimes amongst the rest Sir; | |
| Yet I could never get a Hair, | |
| Of any Hide I dress’d Sir; | 60 |
| For I have been tanning of a Hide, | |
| This long seven Years and more Sir; | |
| And yet it is as hairy still, | |
| As ever it was before Sir. | |
| Sometimes I am a Tailor, | 65 |
| And work with Thread that’s strong Sir; | |
| I have a fine great Needle, | |
| About two handfuls long Sir: | |
| The finest Sempster in this Town, | |
| That works by line or leisure; | 70 |
| May use my Needle at a pinch, | |
| And do themselves great Pleasure. | |