IN the long Vocation, | |
| When Business was scanty, | |
| But Cherries, and Whores, | |
| Extraordinary Plenty. | |
| |
| When News came to England, | 5 |
| The best e’er was known, | |
| All our Armies Victorious, | |
| The French overthrown. | |
| |
| When Quality withdrew | |
| To their Grottos of Pleasure, | 10 |
| And Ladies to the Wells, | |
| To spend their Lord’s Treasure. | |
| |
| When decrepit old Sinners, | |
| To the Bath did resort, | |
| For venereal Distempers, | 15 |
| As well as the Sport. | |
| |
| When the Red Robe was gone, | |
| To the Country Assizes, | |
| And Butchers, and Carmen, | |
| Were fighting of Prizes. | 20 |
| |
| When Orthodox also, | |
| From the Pulpit did roar; | |
| ’Twas the Sins of the Nation, | |
| Made our Taxes so sore. | |
| |
| When young Golden Captains, | 25 |
| Did walk the Parade; | |
| But a draught once in motion, | |
| Were always afraid. | |
| |
| When the Cits did retire, | |
| To their Country-Houses; | 30 |
| Leaving Servants at home, | |
| To lie with their Spouses. | |
| |
| When Wives too would junket, | |
| While their Cuckolds did sleep: | |
| And spend more in a Night, | 35 |
| Than they got in a Week. | |
| |
| When high topping Merchants, | |
| Were daily beset; | |
| And Statutes of Bankrupts, | |
| Filled half our Gazette. | 40 |
| |
| When Lawyers had not Money; | |
| Nor Shop-keepers Trade; | |
| And our Nation preparing | |
| Another to invade. | |
| |
| When the Season was too hot, | 45 |
| For the goggle-eyed Jews; | |
| To exercise their Faculties, | |
| In Drury-Lane Stews. | |
| |
| When Inns of Court-Rakes, | |
| And Quill-driving Prigs, | 50 |
| Flocked to St. James’s, | |
| To show their long Whigs. | |
| |
| When Sodomites were so impudent, | |
| To ply on the Exchange; | |
| And by Day-light the Piazza’s | 55 |
| Of Covent-Garden to range. | |
| |
| When the Theatre Jilts, | |
| Would Shove for a Crown; | |
| And for want of brisk Trading, | |
| Patrolled round the Town. | 60 |
| |
| When Debauchees of both Sexes, | |
| From Hospitals crept; | |
| Where Nine Months at least, | |
| In Flannel they slept. | |
| |
| When Drapers smugg’d Prentices, | 65 |
| With Exchange Girls most jolly; | |
| After Shop was shut up, | |
| Could Sail to the Folly. | |
| |
| When the Amorous Thimberkins, | |
| In Pater-noster-Row; | 70 |
| With their Sparks on an Evening, | |
| Could Coach it to Bow. | |
| |
| When Poets and Players, | |
| Were so damnable poor; | |
| That a Three-penny Ordinary, | 75 |
| They often would Score. | |
| |
| When De Foe and the Devil, | |
| At Leap-Frog did play; | |
| And huffing proud Vintners, | |
| Broke every Day. | 80 |
| |
| When Chamber-maids dressed, | |
| In their Mistresses Clothes; | |
| Walked in all Public places, | |
| To Ogle the Beaus. | |
| |
| When Tally-men had no Faith, | 85 |
| With Strumpets and Whores; | |
| But nabbed them in the Streets, | |
| By Dozens and Scores. | |
| |
| When Informers were Rogues, | |
| And took double pay; | 90 |
| Much worse than the Persons, | |
| They are hired to betray. | |
| |
| When Serjeants were so vigilant, | |
| ’Twas impossible to shame ’em; | |
| But whip see Jethro’, immediately, | 95 |
| G—— Eternally D—— ’em. | |
| |
| When Brewers to the Victuallers | |
| Was so cursed severe, | |
| They scarce would give Credit, | |
| For a Barrel of Beer. | 100 |
| |
| Thus it is not evident, | |
| Tap-lashes don’t thrive; | |
| Since they swarm in most Prisons, | |
| Like Bees in a Hive? | |
| |
| But you Blue Apron Tribe, | 105 |
| Let this caution prevail; | |
| Be not too Saucy, | |
| Lest you Rot in a Gaol. | |
| |
| At this Juncture of time, | |
| I strolled to Moor-Fields; | 110 |
| Much used by the Mob, | |
| To exercise their Heels. | |
| |
| Also famed for a Conjurer, | |
| The Devil’s head Proctor; | |
| Where a little below him, | 115 |
| Dwells the never born Doctor. | |
| |
| Two such Impudent Rascals, | |
| For Lying and Prating; | |
| That the Series of their Lives, | |
| Is not worth my Relating. | 120 |
| |
| My Pockets being lined well, | |
| With Rhino good store; | |
| And Inclinations much bent, | |
| After a thing called a Whore. | |
| |
| To gratify my Lust, | 125 |
| I went to the Star; | |
| Where immediately I espied, | |
| A Whore in the Bar. | |
| |
| Whose Phiz was most charming, | |
| And as demure as a Saint; | 130 |
| But confoundedly bedaubed, | |
| With Patches and Paint. | |
| |
| Sweet Lady, cried I, | |
| I vow and protest; | |
| The Sight of your Charms, | 135 |
| Have so wounded my Breast. | |
| |
| That I am downright in Love, | |
| And my Life shall Destroy; | |
| If you do not admit me, | |
| Your Favour to enjoy. | 140 |
| |
| Cringing in her A—— | |
| The B—— then replied; | |
| My favour, kind Sir, | |
| Shall never be denied. | |
| |
| Will you please to walk up, | 145 |
| Or be private below; | |
| Here Boy, with a Bed in’t, | |
| The Gentleman show. | |
| |
| Then backwards he went, | |
| To a Cavern behind; | 150 |
| But such an intricate Place, | |
| The Devil could not find. | |
| |
| Where Wine being brought, | |
| And the Fellow withdrawn; | |
| I caressed her with Love, | 155 |
| She made a return. | |
| |
| No Pigs in a Stye, | |
| Or Goats in Bad Weather; | |
| E’er nussled so close, | |
| Or more Amorous together. | 160 |
| |
| We Kissed and we billed, | |
| We tickled and toyed; | |
| And more than once, | |
| Our selves we Enjoyed. | |
| |
| But the Reckoning grew high, | 165 |
| Which would make my Pocket low; | |
| So how for to Bilk ’em, | |
| I did not well know. | |
| |
| But at last by a Stratagem, | |
| Pretending to rally; | 170 |
| While she went for more Wine, | |
| I whipped into an Ally. | |
| |
| And was so dexterous nimble, | |
| They could not pursue; | |
| So got rid of my Mistress, | 175 |
| And D—— Reckoning too. | |
| |
| Recovering the Fields, | |
| I was void of all Fear; | |
| And the next place to Bedlam, | |
| My Course I did steer. | 180 |
| |
| Where was such amphibious Crowds, | |
| I ne’er saw before; | |
| Harlots for the Water, | |
| As well as the Shore. | |
| |
| But one above the rest, | 185 |
| So wond’rous Trim; | |
| You would swear she was a Hick, | |
| And no common Brim. | |
| |
| Accosted me presently, | |
| And called me her Love; | 190 |
| But I soon did dismiss her, | |
| With a Kick and a Shove. | |
| |
| For the Jade was so homely, | |
| The Devil would not touch her; | |
| Fit only for a Dray-man, | 195 |
| Or White-Chapel Butcher. | |
| |
| But had not walked long, | |
| Before a rare one I espied; | |
| Bright as a Goddess, | |
| And adorned like a Bride. | 200 |
| |
| With a rich Furbelow Scarf, | |
| Worth at least Forty Shilling; | |
| And when I asked her a Question, | |
| Was extraordinary willing. | |
| |
| So to the Tavern we went, | 205 |
| A Curse on the Place; | |
| For her Love was so hot, | |
| It soon fired my A——. | |
| |
| Where after a Flask, | |
| Which I swore she should pay; | 210 |
| We took both our leaves, | |
| And went straight away. | |
| |
| The Plague of my Sins, | |
| Made me damnable sore; | |
| That my Wife soon concluded, | 215 |
| I’d been with a Whore. | |
| |
| She scolded so loud, | |
| And continued her Clamour; | |
| I could not forbear, | |
| But to C—— her and D—— her. | 220 |
| |
| We made such a Noise, | |
| And confounded a Racket; | |
| My Landlady knew, | |
| I’d been searching the Placket. | |
| |
| And being good natured, | 225 |
| To make up the Matter; | |
| Came down in her Smock, | |
| With Jenny her Daughter. | |
| |
| Ah! Tennant (quoth She,) | |
| Let this fault be remitted; | 230 |
| If he’ll beg but your Pardon, | |
| He shall be acquitted. | |
| |
| For to speak by the by, | |
| And I’m sure ’tis fact; | |
| You and I have been guilty, | 235 |
| Of many such Act. | |
| |
