| |
| | Orphan in my first years, I early learnt |
| To make my heart suffice itself, and seek |
| Support and sympathy in its own depths. |
WELL, read my cheek, and watch my eye, | |
| Too strictly schoold are they, | |
| One secret of my soul to show, | |
| One hidden thought betray. | |
| |
| I never knew the time my heart | 5 |
| Lookd freely from my brow; | |
| It once was checkd by timidness, | |
| Tis taught by caution now. | |
| |
| I live among the cold, the false, | |
| And I must seem like them | 10 |
| And such I am, for I am false | |
| As those I most condemn. | |
| |
| I teach my lip its sweetest smile, | |
| My tongue its softest tone; | |
| I borrow others likeness, till | 15 |
| Almost I lose my own. | |
| |
| I pass through flatterys gilded sieve, | |
| Whatever I would say; | |
| In social life, all, like the blind, | |
| Must learn to feel their way. | 20 |
| |
| I check my thoughts like curbed steeds | |
| That struggle with the rein; | |
| I bid my feelings sleep, like wrecks | |
| In the unfathomd main. | |
| |
| I hear them speak of love, the deep, | 25 |
| The true, and mock the name; | |
| Mock at all high and early truth, | |
| And I too do the same. | |
| |
| I hear them tell some touching tale, | |
| I swallow down the tear; | 30 |
| I hear them name some generous deed, | |
| And I have learnt to sneer. | |
| |
| I hear the spiritual, the kind, | |
| The pure, but named in mirth; | |
| Till all of good, ay, even hope, | 35 |
| Seems exiled from our earth. | |
| |
| And one fear, withering ridicule, | |
| Is all that I can dread; | |
| A sword hung by a single hair | |
| For ever oer the head. | 40 |
| |
| We bow to a most servile faith, | |
| In a most servile fear; | |
| While none among us dares to say | |
| What none will choose to hear. | |
| |
| And if we dream of loftier thoughts, | 45 |
| In weakness they are gone; | |
| And indolence and vanity | |
| Rivet our fetters on. | |
| |
| Surely I was not born for this! | |
| I feel a loftier mood | 50 |
| Of generous impulse, high resolve, | |
| Steal oer my solitude! | |
| |
| I gaze upon the thousand stars | |
| That fill the midnight sky; | |
| And wish, so passionately wish, | 55 |
| A light like theirs on high. | |
| |
| I have such eagerness of hope | |
| To benefit my kind; | |
| And feel as if immortal power | |
| Were given to my mind. | 60 |
| |
| I think on that eternal fame, | |
| The sun of earthly gloom, | |
| Which makes the gloriousness of death, | |
| The future of the tomb | |
| |
| That earthly future, the faint sign | 65 |
| Of a more heavenly one; | |
| A step, a word, a voice, a look, | |
| Alas! my dream is done! | |
| |
| And earth, and earths debasing stain, | |
| Again is on my soul; | 70 |
| And I am but a nameless part | |
| Of a most worthless whole. | |
| |
| Why write I this? because my heart | |
| Towards the future springs, | |
| That future where it loves to soar | 75 |
| On more than eagle wings. | |
| |
| The present, it is but a speck | |
| In that eternal time, | |
| In which my lost hopes find a home, | |
| My spirit knows its clime. | 80 |
| |
| Oh! not myself,for what am I? | |
| The worthless and the weak, | |
| Whose every thought of self should raise | |
| A blush to burn my cheek. | |
| |
| But song has touchd my lips with fire, | 85 |
| And made my heart a shrine | |
| For what, although alloyd, debased, | |
| Is in itself divine. | |
| |
| I am myself but a vile link | |
| Amid lifes weary chain; | 90 |
| But I have spoken hallowd words, | |
| Oh do not say in vain! | |
| |
| My first, my last, my only wish, | |
| Say will my charmed chords | |
| Wake to the morning light of fame, | 95 |
| And breathe again my words? | |
| |
| Will the young maiden, when her tears | |
| Alone in moonlight shine | |
| Tears for the absent and the loved | |
| Murmur some song of mine? | 100 |
| |
| Will the pale youth by his dim lamp, | |
| Himself a dying flame, | |
| From many an antique scroll beside, | |
| Choose that which bears my name? | |
| |
| Let music make less terrible | 105 |
| The silence of the dead; | |
| I care not, so my spirit last | |
| Long after life has fled. | |
| |