P. WHO shall decide when doctors disagree, | |
| And soundest casuists doubt, like you and me? | |
| You hold the word from Jove to Momus givn, | |
| That Man was made the standing jest of Heavn, | |
| And gold but sent to keep the fools in play, | 5 |
| For some to heap, and some to throw away. | |
| But I, who think more highly of our kind | |
| (And surely Heavn and I are of a mind), | |
| Opine that Nature, as in duty bound, | |
| Deep hid the shining mischief under ground: | 10 |
| But when by mans audacious labour won, | |
| Flamed forth this rival to its sire the sun, | |
| Then careful Heavn supplied two sorts of men, | |
| To squander these, and those to hide again. | |
| Like doctors thus, when much dispute has past, | 15 |
| We find our tenets just the same at last: | |
| Both fairly owning riches, in effect, | |
| No grace of Heavn, or token of th elect; | |
| Givn to the fool, the mad, the vain, the evil, | |
| To Ward, to Waters, Chartres, and the Devil. | 20 |
| B. What Nature wants, commodious gold bestows; | |
| T is thus we eat the bread another sows. | |
| P. But how unequal it bestows, observe; | |
| T is thus we riot, while who sow it starve. | |
| What Nature wants (a phrase I much distrust) | 25 |
| Extends to luxury, extends to lust. | |
| Useful I grant, it serves what life requires, | |
| But dreadful too, the dark assassin hires. | |
| B. Trade it may help, Society extend. | |
| P. But lures the pirate, and corrupts the friend. | 30 |
| B. It raises armies in a nations aid. | |
| P. But bribes a senate, and the land s betrayd. | |
| In vain may heroes fight and patriots rave, | |
| If secret gold sap on from knave to knave. | |
| Once, we confess, beneath the patriots cloak, | 35 |
| From the crackd bag the dropping guinea spoke, | |
| And jingling down the back-stairs, told the crew | |
| Old Cato is as great a rogue as you. | |
| Blest paper-credit! last and best supply! | |
| That lends Corruption lighter wings to fly! | 40 |
| Gold impd by thee, can compass hardest things, | |
| Can pocket states, can fetch or carry kings; | |
| A single leaf shall waft an army oer, | |
| Or ship off senates to some distant shore; | |
| A leaf, like Sibyls, scatter to and fro | 45 |
| Our fates and fortunes as the winds shall blow; | |
| Pregnant with thousands flits the scrap unseen, | |
| And silent sells a King or buys a Queen. | |
| Oh, that such bulky bribes as all might see, | |
| Still, as of old, incumberd villany! | 50 |
| Could France or Rome divert our brave designs | |
| With all their brandies or with all their wines? | |
| What could they more than Knights and Squires confound, | |
| Or water all the Quorum ten miles round? | |
| A statesmans slumbers how this speech would spoil, | 55 |
| Sir, Spain has sent a thousand jars of oil; | |
| Huge bales of British cloth blockade the door; | |
| A hundred oxen at your levee roar. | |
| Poor Avarice one torment more would find, | |
| Nor could Profusion squander all in kind. | 60 |
| Astride his cheese Sir Morgan might we meet; | |
| And Worldly crying coals from street to street, | |
| Whom with a wig so wild and mien so mazed, | |
| Pity mistakes for some poor tradesman crazed. | |
| Had Colepeppers whole wealth been hops and hogs, | 65 |
| Could he himself have sent it to the dogs? | |
| His Grace will game: to Whites a bull be led, | |
| With spurning heels and with a butting head. | |
| To Whites be carried, as to ancient games, | |
| Fair coursers, vases, and alluring dames. | 70 |
| Shall then Uxorio, if the stakes he sweep, | |
| Bear home six whores, and make his lady weep? | |
| Or soft Adonis, so perfumed and fine, | |
| Drive to St. Jamess a whole herd of swine? | |
| Oh, filthy check on all industrious skill, | 75 |
| To spoil the nations last great trade,Quadrille! | |
| Since then, my lord, on such a world we fall, | |
| What say you? B. Say? Why, take it, gold and all. | |
| P. What Riches give us let us then inquire: | |
| Meat, Fire, and Clothes. B. What more? P. Meat, Clothes, and Fire. | 80 |
| Is this too little? would you more than live? | |
| Alas! t is more than Turner finds, they give. | |
| Alas! t is more than (all his visions past) | |
| Unhappy Wharton waking found at last! | |
| What can they give? To dying Hopkins, heirs? | 85 |
| To Chartres, vigour? Japhet, nose and ears? | |
| Can they in gems bid pallid Hippia glow? | |
| In Fulvias buckle ease the throbs below? | |
| Or heal, old Narses, thy obscener ail, | |
| With all th embroidery plasterd at thy tail? | 90 |
| They might (were Harpax not too wise to spend) | |
| Give Harpax self the blessing of a friend; | |
| Or find some doctor that would save the life | |
| Of wretched Shylock, spite of Shylocks wife. | |
| But thousands die without or this or that, | 95 |
| Die, and endow a College or a Cat. | |
| To some indeed Heavn grants the happier fate | |
| T enrich a bastard; or a son they hate. | |
| Perhaps you think the poor might have their part? | |
| Bond damns the poor, and hates them from his heart: | 100 |
| The grave Sir Gilbert holds it for a rule | |
| That evry man in want is knave or fool. | |
| God cannot love (says Blunt, with tearless eyes) | |
| The wretch he starvesand piously denies: | |
| But the good bishop, with a meeker air, | 105 |
| Admits, and leaves them, Providences care. | |
| Yet, to be just to these poor men of pelf, | |
| Each does but hate his neighbour as himself: | |
| Damnd to the mines, an equal fate betides | |
| The slave that digs it and the slave that hides. | 110 |
| B. Who suffer thus, mere charity should own, | |
| Must act on motives powerful tho unknown. | |
| P. Some war, some plague or famine, they foresee, | |
| Some revelation hid from you and me. | |
| Why Shylock wants a meal the cause is found; | 115 |
| He thinks a loaf will rise to fifty pound. | |
| What made directors cheat in South-sea year? | |
| To live on venson, when it sold so dear. | |
| Ask you why Phryne the whole auction buys? | |
| Phryne foresees a general excise. | 120 |
| Why she and Sappho raise that monstrous sum? | |
| Alas! they fear a man will cost a plum. | |
| Wise Peter sees the worlds respect for gold, | |
| And therefore hopes this nation may be sold. | |
| Glorious ambition! Peter, swell thy store, | 125 |
| And be what Romes great Didius was before. | |
| The crown of Poland, venal twice an age, | |
| To just three millions stinted modest Gage. | |
| But nobler scenes Marias dreams unfold, | |
| Hereditary realms, and worlds of gold. | 130 |
| Congenial souls! whose life one avrice joins, | |
| And one fate buries in th Asturian mines. | |
| Much-injured Blunt! why bears he Britains hate? | |
| A wizard told him in these words our fate: | |
| At length Corruption, like a genral flood | 135 |
| (So long by watchful ministers withstood), | |
| Shall deluge all; and Avrice, creeping on, | |
| Spread like a low-born mist and blot the sun; | |
| Statesman and Patriot ply alike the stocks, | |
| Peeress and Butler share alike the Box, | 140 |
| And judges job, and bishops bite the town, | |
| And mighty Dukes pack cards for half a crown: | |
| See Britain sunk in lucres sordid charms, | |
| And France revenged of Annes and Edwards arms! | |
| T was no court-badge, great Scrivner! fired thy brain, | 145 |
| Nor lordly luxury, nor city gain: | |
| No, t was thy righteous end, ashamed to see | |
| Senates degenrate, patriots disagree, | |
| And nobly wishing party-rage to cease, | |
| To buy both sides, and give thy country peace. | 150 |
| All this is madness, cries a sober sage: | |
| But who, my friend, has Reason in his rage? | |
| The Ruling Passion, be it what it will, | |
| The Ruling Passion conquers Reason still. | |
| Less mad the wildest whimsy we can frame | 155 |
| Than evn that Passion, if it has no aim; | |
| For tho such motives folly you may call, | |
| The folly s greater to have none at all. | |
| Hear then the truth:T is Heavn each Passion sends, | |
| And diffrent men directs to diffrent ends. | 160 |
| Extremes in Nature equal good produce; | |
| Extremes in Man concur to genral use. | |
| Ask me what makes one keep, and one bestow? | |
| That power who bids the ocean ebb and flow, | |
| Bids seed-time, harvest, equal course maintain, | 165 |
| Thro reconciled extremes of drought and rain; | |
| Builds life on death, on change duration founds, | |
| And gives th eternal wheels to know their rounds. | |
| Riches, like insects, when conceald they lie, | |
| Wait but for wings, and in their season fly. | 170 |
| Who sees pale Mammon pine amidst his store, | |
| Sees but a backward steward for the poor; | |
| This year a reservoir to keep and spare; | |
| The next a fountain spouting thro his heir | |
| In lavish streams to quench a countrys thirst, | 175 |
| And men and dogs shall drink him till they burst. | |
| Old Cotta shamed his fortune and his birth, | |
| Yet was not Cotta void of wit or worth. | |
| What tho (the use of barbrous spits forgot) | |
| His kitchen vied in coolness with his grot? | 180 |
| His court with nettles, moats with cresses stord, | |
| With soups unbought, and salads, blessd his board; | |
| If Cotta lived on pulse, it was no more | |
| Than Bramins, Saints, and Sages did before; | |
| To cram the rich was prodigal expense, | 185 |
| And who would take the poor from Providence? | |
| Like some lone Chartreux stands the good old hall, | |
| Silence without, and fasts within the wall; | |
| No rafterd roofs with dance and tabor sound, | |
| No noontide bell invites the country round; | 190 |
| Tenants with sighs the smokeless towers survey, | |
| And turn th unwilling steeds another way; | |
| Benighted wanderers, the forest oer, | |
| Curse the saved candle and unopening door; | |
| While the gaunt mastiff, growling at the gate, | 195 |
| Affrights the beggar whom he longs to eat. | |
| Not so his son; he markd this oversight, | |
| And then mistook reverse of wrong for right: | |
| (For what to shun will no great knowledge need | |
| But what to follow is a task indeed!) | 200 |
| Yet sure, of qualities deserving praise, | |
| More go to ruin fortunes than to raise. | |
| What slaughterd hecatombs, what floods of wine, | |
| Fill the capacious Squire and deep Divine! | |
| Yet no mean motive this profusion draws; | 205 |
| His oxen perish in his countrys cause; | |
| T is George and Liberty that crowns the cup, | |
| And zeal for that great House which eats him up. | |
| The woods recede around the naked seat, | |
| The sylvans groanno matterfor the fleet; | 210 |
| Next goes his woolto clothe our valiant bands; | |
| Last, for his countrys love, he sells his lands. | |
| To town he comes, completes the nations hope, | |
| And heads the bold train-bands, and burns a pope. | |
| And shall not Britain now reward his toils, | 215 |
| Britain, that pays her patriots with her spoils? | |
| In vain at court the bankrupt pleads his cause; | |
| His thankless country leaves him to her laws. | |
| The sense to value Riches, with the art | |
| T enjoy them, and the virtue to impart; | 220 |
| Not meanly nor ambitiously pursued, | |
| Not sunk by sloth, nor raised by servitude; | |
| To balance fortune by a just expense, | |
| Join with economy magnificence; | |
| With splendour charity, with plenty health; | 225 |
| O teach us, Bathurst! yet unspoild by wealth, | |
| That secret rare, between th extremes to move | |
| Of mad Good-nature and of mean Self-love. | |
| B. To worth or want well weighd be bounty givn | |
| And ease or emulate the care of Heavn | 230 |
| (Whose measure full oerflows on human race): | |
| Mend Fortunes fault, and justify her grace. | |
| Wealth in the gross is death, but life diffused, | |
| As poison heals in just proportion used: | |
| In heaps, like ambergris, a stink it lies, | 235 |
| But well dispersd is incense to the skies. | |
| P. Who starves by nobles, or with nobles eats? | |
| The wretch that trusts them, and the rogue that cheats. | |
| Is there a lord who knows a cheerful noon | |
| Without a fiddler, flattrer, or buffoon? | 240 |
| Whose table Wit or modest Merit share, | |
| Unelbowd by a gamester, pimp, or player? | |
| Who copies yours or Oxfords better part, | |
| To ease th oppressd, and raise the sinking heart? | |
| Whereer he shines, O Fortune! gild the scene, | 245 |
| And angels guard him in the golden mean! | |
| There English bounty yet a while may stand, | |
| And honour linger ere it leaves the land. | |
| But all our praises why should Lords engross? | |
| Rise, honest Muse! and sing the Man of Ross: | 250 |
| Pleasd Vaga echoes thro her winding bounds, | |
| And rapid Severn hoarse applause resounds. | |
| Who hung with woods yon mountains sultry brow? | |
| From the dry rock who bade the waters flow? | |
| Not to the skies in useless columns tost, | 255 |
| Or in proud falls magnificently lost, | |
| But clear and artless, pouring thro the plain | |
| Health to the sick, and solace to the swain. | |
| Whose causeway parts the vale with shady rows? | |
| Whose seats the weary traveller repose? | 260 |
| Who taught that Heavn-directed spire to rise? | |
| The Man of Ross, each lisping babe replies. | |
| Behold the market-place with poor oerspread! | |
| The Man of Ross divides the weekly bread: | |
| He feeds yon almshouse, neat, but void of state, | 265 |
| Where age and want sit smiling at the gate: | |
| Him portiond maids, apprenticed orphans blest, | |
| The young who labour, and the old who rest. | |
| Is any sick? the Man of Ross relieves, | |
| Prescribes, attends, the medicine makes and gives: | 270 |
| Is there a variance? enter but his door, | |
| Balkd are the courts, and contest is no more: | |
| Despairing quacks with curses fled the place, | |
| And vile attorneys, now a useless race. | |
| B. Thrice happy man! enabled to pursue | 275 |
| What all so wish, but want the power to do! | |
| Oh say, what sums that genrous hand supply? | |
| What mines to swell that boundless charity? | |
| P. Of debts and taxes, wife and children clear, | |
| This man possessdfive hundred pounds a year. | 280 |
| Blush, Grandeur, blush! proud courts, withdraw your blaze! | |
| Ye little stars, hide your diminishd rays! | |
| B. And what? no monument, inscription, stone, | |
| His race, his form, his name almost unknown? | |
| P. Who builds a church to God, and not to Fame, | 285 |
| Will never mark the marble with his name: | |
| Go, search it there, where to be born and die, | |
| Of rich and poor makes all the history; | |
| Enough that Virtue filld the space between, | |
| Provd by the ends of being to have been. | 290 |
| When Hopkins dies, a thousand lights attend | |
| The wretch who living saved a candles end: | |
| Shouldring Gods altar a vile image stands, | |
| Belies his features, nay, extends his hands; | |
| That livelong wig, which Gorgons self might own, | 295 |
| Eternal buckle takes in Parian stone. | |
| Behold what blessings Wealth to life can lend! | |
| And see what comfort it affords our end. | |
| In the worst inns worst room, with mat half-hung, | |
| The floors of plaster, and the walls of dung, | 300 |
| On once a flock-bed, but repaird with straw, | |
| With tape-tied curtains, never meant to draw, | |
| The George and Garter dangling from that bed | |
| Where tawdry yellow strove with dirty red, | |
| Great Villiers liesalas! how changed from him, | 305 |
| That life of pleasure and that soul of whim! | |
| Gallant and gay, in Clivedens proud alcove, | |
| The bower of wanton Shrewsbury and Love; | |
| Or just as gay at council, in a ring | |
| Of mimic statesmen and their merry King. | 310 |
| No Wit to flatter, left of all his store | |
| No Fool to laugh at, which he valued more | |
| There, victor of his health, of fortune, friends, | |
| And fame, this lord of useless thousands ends! | |
| His Graces fate sage Cutler could foresee, | 315 |
| And well (he thought) advised him, Live like me. | |
| And well his Grace replied, Like you, Sir John? | |
| That I can do when all I have is gone! | |
| Resolve me, Reason, which of these is worse, | |
| Want with a full or with an empty purse? | 320 |
| Thy life more wretched, Cutler! was confessd; | |
| Arise, and tell me, was thy death more blessd? | |
| Cutler saw tenants break and houses fall, | |
| For very want; he could not build a wall: | |
| His only daughter in a strangers power, | 325 |
| For very want; he could not pay a dower: | |
| A few gray hairs his revrend temples crownd; | |
| T was very want that sold them for two pound. | |
| What evn denied a cordial at his end, | |
| Banishd the doctor, and expelld the friend? | 330 |
| What but a want, which you perhaps think mad, | |
| Yet numbers feel,the want of what he had! | |
| Cutler and Brutus dying both exclaim, | |
| Virtue! and wealth! what are ye but a name! | |
| Say, for such worth are other worlds prepared? | 335 |
| Or are they both in this their own reward? | |
| A knotty point! to which we now proceed. | |
| But you are tiredI ll tell a taleB. Agreed. | |
| P. Where Londons column, pointing at the skies, | |
| Like a tall bully, lifts the head and lies, | 340 |
| There dwelt a citizen of sober fame, | |
| A plain good man, and Balaam was his name. | |
| Religious, punctual, frugal, and so forth, | |
| His word would pass for more than he was worth; | |
| One solid dish his week-day meal affords, | 345 |
| An added pudding solemnized the Lords; | |
| Constant at Church and Change; his gains were sure, | |
| His givings rare, save farthings to the poor. | |
| The Devil was piqued such saintship to behold, | |
| And longd to tempt him like good Job of old; | 350 |
| But Satan now is wiser than of yore, | |
| And tempts by making rich, not making poor. | |
| Rousd by the Prince of Air, the whirlwinds sweep | |
| The surge, and plunge his father in the deep; | |
| Then full against his Cornish lands they roar, | 355 |
| And two rich shipwrecks bless the lucky shore. | |
| Sir Balaam now, he lives like other folks, | |
| He takes his chirping pint, and cracks his jokes. | |
| Live like yourself, was soon my ladys word; | |
| And lo! two puddings smoked upon the board. | 360 |
| Asleep and naked as an Indian lay, | |
| An honest factor stole a gem away: | |
| He pledgd it to the knight; the knight had wit, | |
| So kept the diamond, and the rogue was bit. | |
| Some scruple rose, but thus he easd his thought: | 365 |
| I ll now give sixpence where I gave a groat; | |
| Where once I went to church I ll now go twice | |
| And am so clear too of all other vice. | |
| The tempter saw his time; the work he plied; | |
| Stocks and subscriptions pour on evry side, | 370 |
| Till all the demon makes his full descent | |
| In one abundant shower of cent per cent, | |
| Sinks deep within him, and possesses whole, | |
| Then dubs Director, and secures his soul. | |
| Behold Sir Balaam, now a man of Spirit, | 375 |
| Ascribes his gettings to his parts and merit; | |
| What late he calld a blessing now was wit, | |
| And Gods good providence a lucky hit. | |
| Things change their titles as our manners turn, | |
| His counting-house employd the Sunday morn: | 380 |
| Seldom at church (t was such a busy life), | |
| But duly sent his family and wife. | |
| There (so the Devil ordaind) one Christmas-tide | |
| My good old lady catchd a cold and died. | |
| A nymph of quality admires our knight; | 385 |
| He marries, bows at court, and grows polite; | |
| Leaves the dull cits, and joins (to please the fair) | |
| The well-bred cuckolds in St. Jamess air: | |
| First for his son a gay commission buys, | |
| Who drinks, whores, fights, and in a duel dies; | 390 |
| His daughter flaunts a viscounts tawdry wife; | |
| She bears a coronet and px for life. | |
| In Britains senate he a seat obtains, | |
| And one more pensioner St. Stephen gains. | |
| My lady falls to play; so bad her chance, | 395 |
| He must repair it; takes a bribe from France: | |
| The house impeach him; Coningsby harangues; | |
| The court forsake him, and Sir Balaam hangs. | |
| Wife, son, and daughter, Satan! are thy own, | |
| His wealth, yet dearer, forfeit to the crown: | 400 |
| The Devil and the King divide the prize, | |
| And sad Sir Balaam curses God and dies. | |
| |