| [I am indebted to Mr. Ring W. Lardner, author of “You Know Me, A1,” for the following. It combines the common language with the special argot of the professional baseball-players, a class of men whose speech Mr. Lardner has studied with great diligence.] | 1 |
| [Plot: The enemy has fallen on our pitcher and scored five runs. The side is finally retired and our men come in to the bench, where the manager awaits them.] | 2 |
| MANAGER—What the hell! 1 | 3 |
| PITCHER (indicating the catcher)—Ask him! | 4 |
| CATCHER—Ask yourself, you yella bum! (To the manager) He’s been shakin’ me off all day. | 5 |
| MANAGER—What was it Peck hit? | 6 |
| PITCHER—I was tryin’ to waste it. | 7 |
| CATCHER—Waste it! You dinked it up there chest high. 2 He couldn’t of got a better cut at it if he’d of tooken the ball in his hand. | 8 |
| PITCHER (to the catcher)—You could of got Shawkey at the plate if you’d of left Jack’s peg hop. He never even hit the dirt. | 9 |
| CATCHER—It would of been a short hop and I couldn’t take no chance. You wasn’t backin’ up. You was standin’ over in back of third base, posin’ for a pitcher (=picture) or somethin’. | 10 |
| MANAGER (to the catcher)—What the hell happened on that ball on Bodie? | 11 |
| CATCHER—He (referring to the pitcher) crossed me up. I ast him for a hook and he yessed me and then throwed a fast one. | 12 |
| PITCHER—It was a curve ball, just like you ast me, only it didn’t break good. | 13 |
| MANAGER (to the pitcher)—And what about Ruth? Is that all the more sense you got, groovin’ one for that big ape! You’d of did better to roll it up there. | 14 |
| PITCHER—The ball he hit was outside. | 15 |
| MANAGER—You mean after he hit it. For God’s sakes, use your head in there! This ain’t Fort Worth! | 16 |
| PITCHER—I wisht to hell it was! | 17 |
| MANAGER—And you’re li’ble to get your wish! | 18 |
Glossary
| 19 |
| In there: In the pitcher’s position. | 20 |
| Up there: In the batter’s position. | 21 |
| Shakin’ me off: Refusing to pitch the kind of ball I signalled for. | 22 |
| Waste: To pitch a ball so high or so far outside that the batsman cannot reach it. | 23 |
| Dink: To throw a slow ball. | 24 |
| Hook: A curve ball. | 25 |
| Peg: A throw. | 26 |
| Hop: To bound. | 27 |
| Hit the dirt: To slide. | 28 |
