COMM 103 Ch 8 Managing Conflict

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May 16, 2024

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Chapter 8 Conflicts in Interpersonal Communication In this chapter, we explore how conflicts in interpersonal relationships influence human relationships. Understanding Interpersonal Conflict There are at least 4 different components of conflict. Define each component and offer an example for each.  An Expressed Struggle - Everyone involved in the conflict knows that some sort of disagreement exists. No conflict exists until all parties understand there is a problem.  Interdependence - People involved in a conflict are interconnected. The welfare of all involved in the conflict hinges on the solution to the conflict  Perceived Incompatible Goals - People involved in the conflict believe that they can not get what they want or need if the other party gets what they want and need. People may enter the situation with a win-lose mindset.  Perceived Scarce Resources - People believe there isn't enough to go around. There is a perception of limited availability of love, money, time, space, and so on. With the characteristics above in mind, the definition of conflict presented in our textbook should make sense.  Define the term “conflict” as used in this course. Conflict: an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scare resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals. What Is a Communication Climate?  Define the term “communication climate.” - The emotional tone of a relationship as it is expressed in the messages that the partners send and receive.  Describe a positive communication climate and offer an example of how one is formed. - Positive communication climates can be compared to warm and sunny days with a light breeze  Describe a negative communication climate and offer an example of how one is formed. - Negative communication climates can be compared to cold and stormy days with unpredictable precipitation. Confirming and Disconfirming Messages  Define the term “confirming messages.” - Actions and words that express respect and show that we value the other person.  What do confirming messages communicate? Messages that show you are valued: Show recognition, acknowledge the person's thoughts and feelings, show that you agree. Confirming Messages direct or indirect signals that convey valuing and respect. Confirming messages are supportive. Confirming messages:  Show recognition. They communicate, "I see you. "  Acknowledge the other person's thoughts and feelings. Listening is the most common form of acknowledgment. You can show you're listening by asking questions, paraphrasing, and asking a person to reflect on what they have said.  Show that you agree. Endorsement shows that you agree with and support another person's communication, thoughts, ideas, or feelings. This is the strongest type of confirming message.  Define the term “disconfirming messages.” - Words and actions that express a lack of caring or respect for another person.

Disconfirming Messages signal a lack of regard, valuing, or respect. Disconfirming messages send non-supportive messages. Disconfirming messages are sent when:  Partners criticize each other.  Partners show contempt toward each other. Contemptuous behaviors include mocking, belittling, and ridiculing others.  Partners are defensive. A defensive person counter-attacks criticism or contempt to protect their self- worth.  One or both partners engage in stonewalling. Stonewalling is one of the most disconfirming messages. It is a form of avoidance in which one person refuses to communicate with another.  Deny the value of other people Gottman "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": o Criticism - A message that is personal, all-encompassing, and accusatory. o Contempt -verbal and nonverbal messages that ridicule or belittle the other person. o Defensiveness - Protecting oneself by counterattacking the other person. o Stonewalling - Refusing to engage with the other person. What is a relational spiral? Relational spiral: A reciprocal communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces the other's. While watching the video “Confirming and Disconfirming Responses” address the following:  Define the term “neutrality” in communication. It implies that we don’t care what a person says, believes, etc., essentially you are communicating that the other person doesn’t exist or is not worth your time. (disconfirming responses)  How is it different than “empathy” in communication? Empathy focuses on how you respond to the other person's messages. There are several types of disconfirming responses. Define each of the disconfirming responses listed below and offer an example for each.  Impervious response – disregarding is essentially ignoring someone -provide no feedback to the speaker (ignorance)  Interrupting response - bid for superiority – by interrupting, you are applying that what you have to say is more important (superiority)  Irrelevant response – when your response to speaker is irrelevant to what he/she said – (change the subject)  Tangential response – when you acknowledge that you’ve heard the other speaker but immediately take the conversation in another direction (going off on a tangent)  Impersonal response – you give the impression that your comments are generic and not specific to the person. (responses contain euphemisms and cliches)  Ambiguous response- when you offer a very vague response, so the other person can only guess at your meaning, cant figure out what your view is (I find that interesting…) fascinating or boring?  Incoherent response – you us incomplete sentences, ramble, backtrack, etc. What you are saying is difficult or impossible for someone else to understand. (when you are distracted and not paying attention to someone) All these are verbal messages. The next one is nonverbal.  Incongruous response – (inconsistently) if your nonverbal behavior contradicts your verbal behavior. There are ways to avoid sending disconfirming messages. List the 4-ways described in the video.  Don’t ignore others,  listen attentively – make sure you are listening – not eyes on screen asking questions to confirm you’ve heard the other person

 Interrupt only when necessary  Strive for congruence or consistency – ensure your verbal and nonverbal communication are consistent. Caveat: There may be times when it is appropriate to send disconfirming messages. (impervious responses, for example – when you ignore others) can be considered competent communication if the message being sent by the other person is denigrating her/ his self-concept. Sometimes, time-out punishment can more effectively address an issue than direct confrontation. “I see you, and Im here” Zulu tribe acknowledges “person is a person because of other people. Confirming messages communicate to another person that you see them, and that they exist. Define each of the confirming responses listed below and offer an example for each.  Direct Acknowledgement – react to it verbally and nonverbally; when asked a question, respond or at least acknowledge or respond in a timely manner.  Agreement – agree with the content,  Supportive response – tries to reassure the other person that the content or what they are feeling is appropriate or understandable. Or say something to make them feel better  Clarifying response – demonstrate that you rely want to understand the others message or feelings. (ask q to gater more info, encourage the other one to expand or paraphrase what you think you’ve heard to make shure you better understand)  Expression of positive feeling – saying something that indicates you have a positive feeling about what someone has said, such as: Great idea! Or I knew you'll figure something out.  How might a confirming message become a disconfirming message? If your tone of voice implies you don’t care, if it sounds like you are just parroting responses, or if you avoid making eye contact, you should show interest in others and their problems, express concern where appropriate, and be sincere. COMBAT NEUTRALITY WITH EMPHATY in order to become a more empathetic communicator!!! How Communication Climates Develop A relational spiral is a reciprocal conflict pattern in which each person's message reinforces the others. Spirals can be positive or negative. Two types of negative spirals are escalatory spirals and avoidance- pirals.  Describe how an escalatory spiral works: An escalatory spiral occurs when one message builds upon the next message.  Offer at least one example of an escalatory spiral: For instance, Person A yells at Person B so Person B yells back at Person A. This makes Person A yell louder so Person B yells louder, and so on. Each person pushes the other and the discussion builds and builds until it becomes a big argument.  Describe how an avoidance spiral works: An avoidance spiral (de-escalatory spiral) is distinguished by its diminishment rather than growth.  Offer at least one example of an avoidance spiral: Person A communicates with Person B less than normal. As a result, Person B communicates with Person A less than normal. As a reaction, Person A withdraws more from Person B, so Person B withdraws more from Person A. This de-escalatory spiral can sometimes continue until the two communicate little at all or never again. Approaches to Conflict There are generally 5 ways people can act when their needs are not met. Explain each of the 5 reactions to conflict listed below. Be sure to offer at least one example for each.  Nonassertion is the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a conflict. A person may avoid another physically (staying away after an argument) or conversationally (changing the subject, joking, or ignoring a problem exists).

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